I’m so grateful that the Lord thinks of me so thoroughly that when I have an internal battle with myself, He quickly shows me a solution. A year ago, I sat at my cubicle in tears feeling so unworthy, guilty, condemned and depressed. My co-workers saw me in tears every day that month that they didn’t question me about it. Yes, I had sinned so horribly that I was reaping what I have sowed, BUT! With every failure, God had a plan. My sin was so deep, but His Grace was so much more.
My sorrow was so bad that I had to go to the bathroom to cry bitterly. I’m talking about crying tears that soaked my face. I’m talking about being so distraught that the next breath was so hard to take. I’m talking about PAIN that felt like it could not be extinguished by anything but death.
Then, one day I read a devotional on guilt.
- God does not condemn those who are in Christ -Romans 8:1
- We are not built for guilt
- We are made whole by the sacrifice of Jesus
- Guilt has no legal right in our lives because Jesus paid for our sin and misdeeds.
- When we feel guilty, we need to send it back from where it came from. Hell.
While reading these facts, you’d figure I was all good… It didn’t work.
I took the next step and I prayed for myself. I laid hands over my own head and asked God to tell me something. I felt like I was going nowhere in my spiritual life and I couldn’t accept Gods Grace to rid of my guilt.
One night I went to sleep and then, God spoke to me.
He told me 3 very important things that I needed to hear.
- You are on the right track. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep seeking my face and don’t give up. Im happy with you. I love you.
- You will hear something today at 9 oclock
- You are always late to work, church, everything but ill speak to you about that later.
I woke up and I think I wrote all this down.
I didn’t know if God was talking about 9am or 9pm but I knew something was going to happen.
9 am came and nothing. I’m like okay, I guess its 9pm.
I went to church that night and the preaching began. I WAS SO BORED!!! I’m like, “C’mon, I doubt this person has anything to do with this 9 o’clock thing. I have no idea what she is talking about.” So then I opened my bible to read it because I didn’t want to waste my precious time at church learning nothing.
8:59PM– I opened my bible expecting nothing. Turned to a random page and started reading
9:00 PM– Mark 15:25- It was nine o’clock in the morning when they nailed Jesus to the cross.
After so many tears of sorrow, I cried tears of JOY!
God was telling me that I did not have to worry about my sin ANYMORE! Jesus was crucified and he died to wash my sins away. If I remember my sin one more time to condemn myself, then Jesus’ death on the cross was meaningless.
How amazing is this? At 9pm I read about Jesus’ death that occurred at 9am!
God understands that sometimes, WE don’t understand. Have faith, God will help you. His salvation for us is not a mystery. We don’t need to read between the lines about His death on the cross. Don’t get so complicated. Jesus died, and if we believe, we are saved. Nothing more and nothing less. John 3:16
God still didn’t speak to me about being late all the time though. And I’m always late, STILL. Oh God have mercy!