Could we learn to see failures as a reality in life and not as a result of poor decision making?

I pretend to be confident on some of my decision making but deep down, I’m always torn. My heart and my mind are never at ease. When I have to make a decision, I quickly try to create an equation that could provide me with answers by simply entering numbers in the place of variables and reach a result that’s indefinite – an answer that is proven to be the ONLY answer. Unfortunately for me, life isn’t algebra, choices aren’t coordinates, and the equal sign doesn’t exist.

So I continue to pretend. I convince myself to always be content with my choices and convert bad choices into lessons. I could dress it up however I want but again, it’s a lie I tell myself to ease my anxieties. I’m not going to deny that I learn from my mistakes in fact, I’m trying to prove that in every path, whether it be good or bad, we are skilled at convincing our minds that we have absolute control of our destinies.

As a Christian, I am always told to pray prior to making decisions. Most of the time, I have to make a choice quickly or someone else has more than 50% say of what I need to do next. Do I tell God to hurry it up and give me immediate guidance? But then, someone else would say that we should never tell God what to do. As I write, I feel most of my anxieties in decision making are because I am conditioned to follow a set of rules of which I only know maybe 2/300 of them.

In the beginning of the year, something occurred to me that I somehow convinced myself to delete 214 pieces of writing that took me 5 years to create. At the time, I thought I was making the right decision because in order for me to improve my writing, I had to let go of what was. I can’t even comprehend where that came from. But it happened and now here I am on blog number 2 of trying to restore myself.

The lie: “Well, I wanted to let go of my past and start anew”. “No one deserves access to my life that doesn’t deserve it”. These are a few things I told myself to make me feel better about dropping my one and only passion and for 2 months, I have deprived myself from what I loved the most.

The lesson here (that I skillfully created) is that deprivation only pushes one towards self-destructive habits. Nope, I wont disclose mine because I choose to keep certain things private but, if I kept myself from writing any longer, I would have gone astray.

{(Had a great Idea to delete all my writings) + or – (This is what God wanted me to do) Times deprivation for 2 months = The beginning of self-destructive habits.}

Seriously tho, life would be so much easier if we’d stop expecting to get it right all the time. Could we learn to see failures as a reality in life and not as a result of poor decision making. We cant sit here and preach of a God who is the restorer of all failures and tell people that failures are consequences of x, y and z

Think about it. Having it right all the time is impossible. It leaves no room for God to intervene. Having it all together promotes self-sufficiency and God is not please with us thinking we have all the control in our lives. But why do we preach on a prayer life that results in correct decision making 100% of the time. Doesn’t God allow room for failure for us to learn lessons? Without failure, we gain no wisdom. So is it correct to think God is going to make sure this life is an easy breeze so long we keep everything in prayer or is He going to allow calamity once or twice to show us that He is sovereign over all?

Published by authkg

It’s just whatever at this point

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