Pasta Eyes

When we feel strongly towards someone, it shows in our eyes.

I’ve made it a mission to watch the movement of someone’s eyes when they are talking to me.

I document the squints and the wrinkles and the directions the pupils go when certain things are said.

I see how wide the eyes open when one is telling an exciting story.

I watch the eyelids drop when one is expressing sorrow.

One of my favorite eye movements is when someone is heavily in love. So in love, that it hurts.

I remember when you made me pasta. You were so busy in the kitchen stirring and cutting and mixing to make me happy. To impress me

I called your name and you dropped everything at once. You wiped your hands on the towel hanging by the stove and kept your eyes on me.

Your eyes said, “What do you need? I will give you the world right now.”

Your body immediately turned my direction and you took steps closer to me like you were trying to save me from a fall.

But your mouth said, “yes?”

I’ve longed to see those eyes again. My heart remains empty to feel so important. To feel so loved.

So I battle with You, Lord. I ask you to come through and fill that space but time and time again, I’m empty.

Instead, you show me where those feelings are rooted from. You show me everyday in so many ways why my emptiness wasn’t about pasta eyes at all.

My question is, what do I do with the truth now?

God: I’m allowing life to let you feel empty. All this chaos has been approved by Me. Let me explain:

The solution to your emptiness is and will always be Me. I love you the most. I look at you with pasta eyes every single minute of every single day. But I know your heart. And as much as you know this to be the truth, it is not enough for you. Since I am a good father, I will let you feel empty enough that when it finally clicks that I love you the most, you will feel it. And it will feel so big, you could never forget it again. In the meantime, I will hold on to you and keep you from the plan of the enemy. Because the enemy will exploit your emptiness and will promise to fill your pain. But the result is to push you further away from me.

I wont allow it.