Am I good enough?

Am I pretty enough?

Am I a good enough friend?

Am I a good enough human?

Anyone ever asked what is used to measure “enough”?. How does one determine when enough has been met. Has anyone ever sat down and said “I have had enough”? Unless, of course, the standard of “enough” is measured by one’s self. See, I know when I drank enough water. I know when I have eaten enough food. I know when I’ve had enough of disrespect.

But I cant measure what ‘enough’ is to you. It’s like chasing the wind. It’s like gathering all the water in the ocean into my arms. Its like mowing the lawn with scissors.

It only makes sense to measure enough with my own standards even if its regarding you.

And then I laugh at myself because I’m so empathetic that I’m very cautious on how I make other people feel and I’m back again at measuring “enough” by chasing the wind.

I guess I found another vicious cycle for the books. Just like the round behind earth we live in.


I saw an image of Mars today.
It was desolate.
No foot prints.
No structures.
No signs of civilization.
A whole planet with no life.
A BUNCH of planets with no life.
What a waste it is to have planets.
Lord, what was your purpose?

God: Just because there’s no “life”, doesn’t mean it’s a waste. Just because you see no humans, doesn’t mean there’s no purpose. Your mind is so limited to what your eyes can see and what your ears were told but once upon a time, YOU never existed.

Yet I knew you.

Yet I loved you.

And I formed you.

You may not know why these planets exist and the answer might not be found in this lifetime. But for right now, Mars exist to spark your curiosity and dispute with its Creator. Right now, Mars existe to turn your eyes towards Me. And IF that’s all I created it for, then it has completed its purpose.

People Watching Explained

I love to watch humans be human. I love to see humans interact with others, with themselves, with nature and mostly, with God. I want to use this writing space to experience life in their eyes. I want to feel what they feel and understand their responses to life.

The writing seen here are not my own experiences. They are writings about regular people doing regular things but written as if it were ART. Because it is.

I’ve never seen such beauty in so much imperfection therefore, I gotta write about it.

Eyes you don’t Deserve

Eyes you don’t deserve.

Eyes I cant stand.

I get so upset at myself for thinking about you way too much. How can someone be infatuated with just a set of eyes? Its bothersome to me that I could be so shallow. Usually, it is one’s intellect that moves me and you have none of that.

But just one look into your eyes forces me to lie to myself and search deep into our convo for something worth holding on to.

It’s not my story but it is yours.

The People watching series by Authkg

Prisoner to my emotions but released by the Word

There are days when my emotions consume me and I become a prisoner to them like I’m not even saved. I plead with God to walk ahead of me through the path my emotions tempt me to take so that He could knock down each obstacle cleverly placed to destroy me.

Can you ask God to do that? Can you ask Him to save you from yourself? Could you ask God to be with you when you’re about to make bad decisions? Taboo ain’t it, Christians?

I’ve always been taught that sin removes God from your life and practically leaves you abandoned to your flesh and forsaken to the world.

Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Heb 13:6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

“I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Am I not human. Can I boldly say, “I will not fear what I shall do to myself”?

Oh, did you already condemn me – accusing me for taking that verse out of context? Of course you did you self-righteous, cold-hearted person.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Did you make it this far and skillfully gathered a case against me? That I may have fallen victim to the world?

That’s okay. It’s expected. Everything is taken out of context these days. Heck, even saying “NO” can somehow be interpreted as saying “Yes”.

There’s just this power in having LIVED the Love of Christ to confirm scripture to be true as it is written. If you’ve never needed him, you’ll never know Him. Only those who are BOLD enough to expose their own sin to a Holy God will see Grace. Grace is only understood when received

Vision for One. Blind to millions

I’m kinda glad I deleted all my old blogs. I might be repeating myself on here but my ideas and inspiration was tunneled towards one group of people, one type of mentality, one church denomination, one ideation, one culture, one perspective -one- out of MILLIONS.

Working in behavioral health has shown me hundreds of perspectives that I would have otherwise never seen. The stories, the trauma, the struggles, the heartaches, the desperation, the addiction and the pain of family members who suffer alongside our patients. I started to remember my old writings and I couldn’t stand how ignorant I was. I wrote confidently on how much I knew God and how His sovereignty SHOULD look like based on MY experience. My experience! ONE perspective. Mine.

God doesn’t revolve around me.

I’ve seen some sermons on social media and read IG posts with sadness because sometimes, the spiritual advice cannot work for everyone. Ideas and “revelations” inspired by one’s own experiences are not the ultimate solutions to everyone’s struggles. Imagine telling a schizophrenic to listen to the voice of God when they hear many other voices on a regular day. Did your sacrifice to quit wearing makeup work for you? Did it bring you closer to God? I’m not saying it didn’t boost your spiritual life. I’m saying, Don’t force it on anyone else.

God is sovereign in His own way for each person specific to their needs that only He knows. If you’re not spirit led, your sermons have the potential to harm someone even tho you have the greatest of intentions.

Don’t stay blind to the many communities besides your own. There are people out there who don’t know that God loves them but your sermon on the details of a prophets chancleta praying on Mt. Whatever ain’t doin the trick. Open your heart to the genuine need of the people. Put yourselves in their shoes. Understand their decision making. Be compassionate to their bad choices. Empathize with their traumatic past. Show that you care for them and show them a sense of belonging. Don’t make people jump through fire hoops to make the cut. They can’t even meet their own expectation let alone yours.

Let alone God’s.

No answers. Just being

I find myself on WordPress often leaving the app within minutes because I have nothing to write about. I’m thinking to myself asking why in the world would I have nothing to write if I’m inspired by the patients that walk in and out my office everyday. Then the lightbulb appeared…

Writing doesn’t always have to have the answer, a moral, solution or breakthrough. Ideas just need to be written. Feelings just need to be expressed. Stories just need to be told. All without having to end – with a result. Can I end a novel while my character is falling from the sky not mentioning that She landed on a safety cushion. Can She just fall? Can She just fly?

The more I learn, the more I read, the more I see, I realize I just don’t know the answers. I don’t know it all. I don’t know much, period. All I know how to do is be kind. To treat people understanding that they’re going through something I might never know about. I only know how to give you scripture of encouragement. Don’t count on me to speak on your sin. I could only tell you how much God loves you. I can’t tell you about you. I don’t even know you.

I don’t consider myself the ideal Christian anymore. What is ideal? A perfect person? Not I. Can I just love Christ for what He’s done for me. Can I just ask Him to guide me on my day to day? To see my best efforts and turn blind to my faults? Can I just love people because it changes their hearts from stone to flesh? Can I give hope to humanity without feeling pressure on portraying this “standard” of biblical perfection?

If you read this far looking for closure on this piece. I’m sorry. But I’d have to leave you here.

The spiritually incapable need the right guidance from Christians

As Christians, we have this destructive habit to brush off someone’s struggles by telling them to pray about it. Yes, agreed. Prayer can do wonders and provoke miracles from God but how do you tell a baby to feed himself if he does not know how to navigate a spoon?

Pray FOR them.

Doesn’t have to be in their face. Go home and dedicate some intentional prayer for that person.

Find resources.

Whatever the struggle, there must be a resource to fulfill the need. It can be professional help, proper medical attention or help from the state.

I have seen time and time again when Christians shift someone’s crisis off to God when God sent us to be His hands and feet.

Could we learn to see failures as a reality in life and not as a result of poor decision making?

I pretend to be confident on some of my decision making but deep down, I’m always torn. My heart and my mind are never at ease. When I have to make a decision, I quickly try to create an equation that could provide me with answers by simply entering numbers in the place of variables and reach a result that’s indefinite – an answer that is proven to be the ONLY answer. Unfortunately for me, life isn’t algebra, choices aren’t coordinates, and the equal sign doesn’t exist.

So I continue to pretend. I convince myself to always be content with my choices and convert bad choices into lessons. I could dress it up however I want but again, it’s a lie I tell myself to ease my anxieties. I’m not going to deny that I learn from my mistakes in fact, I’m trying to prove that in every path, whether it be good or bad, we are skilled at convincing our minds that we have absolute control of our destinies.

As a Christian, I am always told to pray prior to making decisions. Most of the time, I have to make a choice quickly or someone else has more than 50% say of what I need to do next. Do I tell God to hurry it up and give me immediate guidance? But then, someone else would say that we should never tell God what to do. As I write, I feel most of my anxieties in decision making are because I am conditioned to follow a set of rules of which I only know maybe 2/300 of them.

In the beginning of the year, something occurred to me that I somehow convinced myself to delete 214 pieces of writing that took me 5 years to create. At the time, I thought I was making the right decision because in order for me to improve my writing, I had to let go of what was. I can’t even comprehend where that came from. But it happened and now here I am on blog number 2 of trying to restore myself.

The lie: “Well, I wanted to let go of my past and start anew”. “No one deserves access to my life that doesn’t deserve it”. These are a few things I told myself to make me feel better about dropping my one and only passion and for 2 months, I have deprived myself from what I loved the most.

The lesson here (that I skillfully created) is that deprivation only pushes one towards self-destructive habits. Nope, I wont disclose mine because I choose to keep certain things private but, if I kept myself from writing any longer, I would have gone astray.

{(Had a great Idea to delete all my writings) + or – (This is what God wanted me to do) Times deprivation for 2 months = The beginning of self-destructive habits.}

Seriously tho, life would be so much easier if we’d stop expecting to get it right all the time. Could we learn to see failures as a reality in life and not as a result of poor decision making. We cant sit here and preach of a God who is the restorer of all failures and tell people that failures are consequences of x, y and z

Think about it. Having it right all the time is impossible. It leaves no room for God to intervene. Having it all together promotes self-sufficiency and God is not please with us thinking we have all the control in our lives. But why do we preach on a prayer life that results in correct decision making 100% of the time. Doesn’t God allow room for failure for us to learn lessons? Without failure, we gain no wisdom. So is it correct to think God is going to make sure this life is an easy breeze so long we keep everything in prayer or is He going to allow calamity once or twice to show us that He is sovereign over all?

People Are Indeed Hurting

I wasnt even searching for this position but God guided me here. I am currently working at an outpatient mental health facility and day by day, I’m realizing that God put me here for a reason. I’m learning every day, every hour, maybe even every second something new:

  1. We cannot judge a person’s mental health status based on looks, hygiene, intelligence, clothes, career or financial status. Someone who has been suffering for years has learned how to hide it very well.
  2. Suicide has no preference. You just need to be a person with a brain.
  3. Everyone has some form of mental health issue. I could list each type but i’ll be here forever.
  4. You’re never too good to seek help. Doctors are trained to diagnose and treat whether it be by talk therapy or medication.

People are out there hurting. As Christians, we like to pick and choose who to help based on what society deems “helpless”. A “normal” person shows up to church for the first time and we immediately want to mold them into a “proper” Church member not realizing we’re doing more damage than healing.

We have this idea that in order for us to help someone with mental health issues, we need to be knowledgeable in all types of areas and hold multiple credentials and degrees. You don’t need a diploma to help someone find a local doctor that holds one. You don’t need credentials from your church council to be a friend – to keep tabs on your buddy by texting them “How are you doing today”. “Anything I could do to help?” “Need me to find you a local therapist?”

As I somewhat progress in this Christian thingy, I’m realizing that my heart is geared towards those who are hurting in secret. I’m learning more and more of my purpose and how its not at the church alter but its by loving and understanding one person at a time. I’m no longer trying to fit in to be used in a public way, I don’t need anyone’s acceptance to do the right thing for humanity. I’m def not going to hide who I am because it might not be pleasing to certain people. I can be snotty and have an attitude with a short circuit or like my sis said to me “you have a sneaky attitude”. I have zero tolerance for judgmental people so I call them out in the act. I know it’s rude but so is judging. I really really get irritated with church legalism and I call it out if someone is preaching false doctrine in front of me. Some might say I’m wrong or I should stay quiet. They could be right, but here is where I am imperfect: I’m not gunna keep my mouth shut.

This is Kenia, and welcome to my blog