Learning to Spot Manipulators

The more I try to learn on the topic of manipulation, the more sad I become. I’m almost done listening to a book called “Manipulation. Learning to Spot Manipulative People – Improve Emotional Intelligence Against Persuasion Tactics” by Jeff Tierney. The Author covers many topics including the tactics used by savvy manipulators. What makes me sad is that I’m realizing how many times per day someone attempts to manipulate me. Whats more sad is that these people don’t even know they are doing it.

Are we so prone to get our way that we don’t realize we are being shady to the people that we love? If I’m going to learn something reading this book, I’m choosing to learn on finding way NOT to manipulate people. I find it more stressing to spend my days trying to spot said persuasion tactics. Instead, I plan on working on not being that person. I want to catch myself before I try manipulating someone. I want to find ways to express my ideas/needs/wants without trying to convince someone using their weakness to get it.

I’m noticing that taking this route often leads the other direction. I don’t get what I want and find myself catering to someone else’s desires. In the moment it stinks because you kinda want to go back to your manipulating ways but later I notice that God comes through for me. I get what I initially wanted in one form or another.

I trying to keep myself from having ulterior motives. I’m not 100% good at it but my goal is to keep trying. To keep working on treating people how I want to be treated.

The next book on my queue is: Tactical Influence: A Practical Approach to Increase Your Influence and Leadership Skills.

Issa Rollercoaster

“How’s your spiritual life?”

A good friend asked me this question as I was driving and all I could say was “ISSA ROLLERCOASTER”

I responded:

“I hate how inconsistent my faith is. There are times when I’m super sensitive to God’s word and pretty much any verse I read moves me. Then, there are days when I dont wanna do it anymore. It’s too much pressure to be a certain way and I wonder why I can’t just be me. (Inconsistent, failure, angry, doubtful, annoyed) and be an acceptable Christian. I hate performing but I have no choice but to pretend cuz in the end, people have their negative opinions that if I just “behave” they wont talk.

and when I feel like that, I shut down. I don’t wanna do it anymore. Its all a performance. People act like they don’t fail and stand on the altar with a holier than thou mentality and I’m just over it.

I struggle with paranoia, anxiety, depression and some days, inadequacy. I wish I knew more people like me so we could get through together. But apparently, I’m in this all alone as long as we are all pretending.”

Let me take this time to elaborate:

  • When I look in the mirror, I don’t feel ashamed of my shortcomings. I just wish people could be more accepting so I could feel free to express how God helps me through it
  • My sins might not be one that shows on the outside. They are sins that I commit without anyone knowing. Like wanting to punch people in the face. You wouldnt know about it unless I punched you in the face.
  • I DO worry how I present myself to people because if anyone knew about my anxiety, theyd think I have no faith and that’s not true. I’m just human like everyone else and I don’t want people to stop coming to me because I’m struggling.

I’ve spent so much time on my blog THINKING I knew it all. As I continue to live my life and expierence different things, I realized that I only know from 1 perspective. Mine. I refuse to knock anyone down for speaking or writing their experiences. In fact, I thrive on listening to other people. I have such a huge interest on hearing testimonies and struggles and heartbreaks and failures. Not to judge but to learn and to be a compassionate friend. To say, “You know what? I get it.”. To be a friend I wish I had.

Everyone has their ups and downs. Heck, one day I’m blogging like cray, the next I wanna shut the whole thing down. So, yeah! My life IS a rollercoaster but guess what? People actually pay money to ride those things.

My life, my perspective, my business

Your life, your perspective, mind YOUR business.

But if you wanna share our lives, share our perspectives and not know it all, then let’s ride this rollercoaster together.

 

 

The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

Divine isolation

I’ve been in a very long season of isolation. When I say isolation, I mean having no one to bounce my spiritual concerns off of. No one to give me fulfilling spiritual advice. Every prayer, struggle, concern and doubt has always been forwarded to God the Father alone. 

I have friends, yes. But for some odd reason, God pulls me back from them when it comes to my spirituality. Many times I’ve felt so alone and so misunderstood because God has not anointed anyone (other than my husband and Pastor) to guide me. There have been plenty of times that even going to my husband or my pastor has returned to me void. 

It’s not their fault at all and I’m starting to see the light now. God needs me to trust Him. I used to have a terrible habit of feeding off of people rather than the source of my spiritual meal. It’s been revealed to me that this isolation season is over and I’m blogging to tell you that it isn’t terrible to have your own encounter. When you feed off of your friends expierences or grab a spiritual snack from a relative, you always leave missing out on a full course meal. You think youre full, but you’re not super dooper button open belly out full. 

I’ve had a lot of questions, doubts and discouraging moments that have been completely satisfied when I directed them to Him. Give it a shot. Concerns + God – People = Revelation.  

Just a note: My answers were found in scripture every. Single. Time. 

Lam 3:24-30

She believed she could so she did 

Leaps of faith are underrated. We need to make a bigger hype about them because those are the game changers. 
It all started in 2011, a man ministered to me and told me that my career was coming close. It meant a lot to me at that time because I pondered about it over and over in my head. I had already enlisted into the Army, preparing for boot camp and anticipating spending 52 weeks training for my MOS (35W) – Electronic Warfare Signal Intelligence. Might I add: I was super excited to get my butt out there but… I wasn’t going. 

Did I consult the Lord? No. If I had done so, I would not have wasted my time. God stopped me in my tracks. 

How?! 

After being sworn in, standing before the American flag giving my soul to the military, the Lord miraculously ended what I thought was going to be my future. 

I got pregnant.

 
So there I was. In church. Career-less with a small child. I couldn’t go to school and I was in and out of minimum wage jobs. I felt useless. But the Lord told me through a minister that he had prepared for me a career. I wasn’t anticipating it because I didn’t believe it.  
10/2011 I almost didn’t go to the interview. The job offer seemed sketchy. I was 3 minutes late for the interview and I wore a sweater dress. For some odd reason, I got the job. It was an entry level position at a medical billing company helping out with accounting. Within months I was promoted to a claims specialist. 
It was 06/2015, almost 4 years passed and I was ready for change. I wanted to expand my knowledge in the billing field so I took that leap of faith and accepted a job as a billing manager at a Chiropractic office. I learned the revenue cycle first hand which was great but
I hated it. 

Months passed and I found a job at Hoboken, NJ at another billing office. I learned a bit more about commercial insurance but,
I hated it. 

Then came my dream job. I was hired at an actual hospital working as a medical biller. It was tough but I LOVED IT. Unfortunately, it was only temporary. 

My last stop was at a billing office literally pushing paper. I finished my duties and resigned. 
2016 has been a serious rollercoaster as far as my career was concerned. I learned soooo much but I had to go through soooo much to get where I am now. 

Where am I? 

Back at my 2011 job. 
People kept questioning why my job status was always unstable. Listen, if you’re trying to get somewhere in life, you have to do some scary, ground shaking things. I took risks and I came out a pro. I’m at a point that I could run a billing business on my own. (Everything in its time). 

The Lord gave a command and the command came through for me. I am a gosh darn flipping awesome medical biller. I get doctors paid like that 👏🏽. I love what I do. 

Lord, thank you for the lessons. For giving me strength to endure uncertain times. Thanks for guiding me back to where I’m supposed to be. In Jesus name. AMEN! 

Grace Wins

I remember like it was yesterday. Walking to the bathroom for the 4th time in one hour, not to use it but to cry. Never in my life have I ever felt so unworthy like I did at that moment. I was aware that I didn’t deserve God’s mercy. The pain was unbearable. So bad that it was difficult to exhale. Now, I understand that the pain was for a purpose. 

The only way to truly understand what Grace meant, I had to know how it felt to be in need of it. I needed God’s love and favor even though I didn’t deserve it. The best part of this was that God gave it to me. It was a gift. Underserved, unearned and with no conditions. God loved me and found favor in me despite my sins. He gave me victories to many battles and kept me from my enemies. He protected me from further shame and returned what the enemy stole from me (with interest). 

The most sorrowful moments of my life was when God was revealing His mysteries to me. These things don’t come on a silver platter, they come with tears of repentance and a humble heart. A soul aware of it’s unworthiness to stand before a Holy God. 

“There’s a war between guilt and grace and their fighting for a sacred space but I’m living proof, GRACE WINS EVERYTIME”. 

And so it did.  

Praise dance to Grace Wins by Matthew West
Grace Wins by Matthew West-Music video

Remembering Past = Faith for the Future

I love to see how far I’ve come in this Christian walk. I enjoy going back to old blogs remembering how I felt when I wrote them, remembering how some blogs were written out of spite or out of anger. I look back and remembered how I felt; as if I knew it all. No way am I going to knock myself down for it. Those feelings were genuine and just because it isn’t relevant now doesn’t mean that it’s not important. 

It’s sad how we sometimes feel the best solution to our mind battles is to pretend the past never existed. We drown in our guilt from past decision or past mistakes instead of embracing them just as Psalms 77:11 says. 

Is it hard to remember how the Lord delivered us from our errors? Is it difficult to review all the times the Lord blessed us despite of our foolishness. Is it hard to be honest with our mistakes and to not…pretend. I have to admit, these things can be difficult for some including myself. It’s hard for me to admit to MYSELF that I carry envy in my heart. An envy that I still ask God why its presence still exists in me. I’m learning today that God uses my struggle to remind me what He took me out of. To remind me that although people can do what I wish I can do or posses what I wish I had doesn’t mean that I am less than (<). It means that I am not meant to be anyone else. That God has blessed me in specific areas according to HIS will. Not mine. 

See, it’s not terrible to admit to your sin. It’s not terrible to hold onto a piece of your past. It isn’t the end of the word if you be just a little transparent. Being honest and looking back to the days of old shouldn’t bring you to a bad place rather, it should bring you to a new place. A place where you begin to see some change in your being. The way you walk, talk and act. 

No I won’t go back and delete previous blogs or delete previous statuses on my Facebook or remove old photos from my IG. I’m happy. If you don’t like me at my state of growing and learning, than you won’t like me now cuz guess what? 

I am still growing and learning. 

Experience: I thought I knew

These past few months have kept my eyebrows in the raised position for many reasons. I wish I could get into detail but unfortunately I have yet to find the words to explain exactly how I’ve been feeling. Lately, I’ve been asking myself the same question. “You think you know huh? You think you know?”
My answer?

“Ha! Not anymore.”

I have been through plenty of…things in this Christian walk to be able to say confidently that I have some meaningful testimonies. I’ve seen God work in my life firsthand and I share my experiences with others hoping they would grasp an idea of how God functions.

How God functions?!

YHVH is NOT a toy that when you flip the “on” switch, He lights up and sings a tune. He’s not a computer that when you press the “backspace” key, you can delete a letter or a sentence. God is not a television that when you click guide, you can view upcoming episodes. Let me try to explain.

I spoke of God as if I spoke of a “thing” that responds based on my action. If I prayed an hour, my sadness would cease. Yes, He has delivered me that same way but I shouldn’t assume that to be the ONLY way.

Once, I had to make some quick decisions and I fasted for a week. God responded by telling me what my next steps should be. I shouldn’t assume that fasting is the ONLY way to find help in regards to my decisions for my future.

If you give generously, God would bless your finances right? How can I tell someone else to do the same if they have nothing to give?  I portrayed God as some kind of genie.  You rub a lamp and He responds by granting 3 wishes. That he is not.

Why do I sound unsettling? I am. When I pressed the “on” button in my life, sometimes God’s volume went up. I would press the guide button and God would go to channel 5. I would lower the volume and God would play a movie.

I have to admit, there were times I did nothing for the Kingdom, and God responded with blessings as if I’ve done tons of Christian things. God, I understand.

You are not a God of MY personal experience. You don’t maneuver in someone else’s life based on how you moved in mine. I shouldn’t guide someone in their struggle based on how I was guided through my own. Everyone is different and everyone absorbs the matters of God in unlike ways. My job isn’t to determine the best solutions to one’s storm. My job is to express God’s goodness in mine. Not based on what I did but based on what HE did.

God’s ways are not ours. The more we think we know, the less we actually know. Therefore, at times, my response will be, “I don’t know.”

And that’s okay

Blocked

I’ve been wasting so much time on brainstorming. Taking notes here, random scraps of paper all over there and various notes in my cellphone all over the place. In the end, did I write about any of those thought-provoking pieces of a good blog? No. sometimes it takes a whole lot of unnecessary time to finally realize that I’m a right now person. When I’m inspired, rather than finding a piece of paper to note my terrific thought for later, I should write it at that moment.

Now that I have finally recognized the cork that is blocking my flow of capabilities, let’s move on.

Once upon a time,

The end.

I guess the matter here wasn’t just recognizing the cork, but removing it.

 

God kept me

I could have lost my way in so many situations. I’m saying, I could have called it quits to the whole Christian thing. I mean, every possible thing that could go wrong, went terribly wrong. 

Something kept me. Of course I was convinced it was supernatural because what was happening was way beyond my control. If I had any plan to solve something, it would have been spiteful. My personal plans to deal with my pain was to take severe action. I’m talking about fists flying just about every single day. Never have I felt so hostile before but something kept me. 

I understood that as a human being full of sin, I would never know the solution to my crises. I recognized my place in the eyes of a Holy God that I had to step back. “Lord, I’m letting you take complete control.”

There were days that BAM! An atomic bomb exploded making my life worse but I chose to not even lift a finger. I just prayed. 

I always asked God to change me. Life wasn’t in my favor so I had to ask God to change my attitude to conform to the storm in my life. Lord, teach me how to love thunder, to love rain. Teach me to embrace the high winds, the floods. Teach me. Teach me. Teach me. 

Yes. I used my storm. I used the water from the clouds to nourish the flowers that are blooming today. God knew how to handle my enemies better than I ever could have.

 He kept me. God kept me, so I wouldn’t let go. 

Without lifting a finger, vindication was activated in my life. 

Let God. 2 words with enough power to change a life. 

Or

Fight alone. 2 words that can destroy you. 

Choose God.