Issa Rollercoaster

“How’s your spiritual life?”

A good friend asked me this question as I was driving and all I could say was “ISSA ROLLERCOASTER”

I responded:

“I hate how inconsistent my faith is. There are times when I’m super sensitive to God’s word and pretty much any verse I read moves me. Then, there are days when I dont wanna do it anymore. It’s too much pressure to be a certain way and I wonder why I can’t just be me. (Inconsistent, failure, angry, doubtful, annoyed) and be an acceptable Christian. I hate performing but I have no choice but to pretend cuz in the end, people have their negative opinions that if I just “behave” they wont talk.

and when I feel like that, I shut down. I don’t wanna do it anymore. Its all a performance. People act like they don’t fail and stand on the altar with a holier than thou mentality and I’m just over it.

I struggle with paranoia, anxiety, depression and some days, inadequacy. I wish I knew more people like me so we could get through together. But apparently, I’m in this all alone as long as we are all pretending.”

Let me take this time to elaborate:

  • When I look in the mirror, I don’t feel ashamed of my shortcomings. I just wish people could be more accepting so I could feel free to express how God helps me through it
  • My sins might not be one that shows on the outside. They are sins that I commit without anyone knowing. Like wanting to punch people in the face. You wouldnt know about it unless I punched you in the face.
  • I DO worry how I present myself to people because if anyone knew about my anxiety, theyd think I have no faith and that’s not true. I’m just human like everyone else and I don’t want people to stop coming to me because I’m struggling.

I’ve spent so much time on my blog THINKING I knew it all. As I continue to live my life and expierence different things, I realized that I only know from 1 perspective. Mine. I refuse to knock anyone down for speaking or writing their experiences. In fact, I thrive on listening to other people. I have such a huge interest on hearing testimonies and struggles and heartbreaks and failures. Not to judge but to learn and to be a compassionate friend. To say, “You know what? I get it.”. To be a friend I wish I had.

Everyone has their ups and downs. Heck, one day I’m blogging like cray, the next I wanna shut the whole thing down. So, yeah! My life IS a rollercoaster but guess what? People actually pay money to ride those things.

My life, my perspective, my business

Your life, your perspective, mind YOUR business.

But if you wanna share our lives, share our perspectives and not know it all, then let’s ride this rollercoaster together.

 

 

Live as One

The book of Ephesians touched my heart today. Especially the chapter that emphasized on us believers living as one. If God came down and asked me how many of His people I have differences with, He wouldn’t be happy. 

According to Ephesians 4:3, we need to let peace hold us together. There is one body, one spirit, one hope, one faith, one baptism, there is one Jesus and there is one God. It doesn’t make sense to be believers in Christ and be separated in all of the above because of petty differences. That highlights a meaningless Cross.  Is that what we’re trying to preach? 

Jesus gave us all gifts so that we can spread the good news. Eph 4:11-12. How can we focus on preaching the gospel with animosity and strife towards one another? We can proclaim to be the most faithful follower of Jesus but that all goes in the gutter when deep down, we can’t forgive eachother as Christ asked us us to.  Eph 4:31-32. 

How many times have we left the fallen behind? I’m speaking of our OWN brothers and sisters in Christ! Little do we know that each time we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. If we are one body, Eph 4:15-16, And my foot breaks, shouldn’t I mend it so that I can walk properly?  Shouldn’t I strengthen my arms so that I can grow and be stronger in love? Eph 4:16. 

If we read scripture as much as we claim we do, we would know all of this and our churches would be stronger. We would be able to focus on what’s most important which is spreading the gospel and put less attention on bitterness from the past, childish anger & #nonsense. 

Personally, I know I hold bitterness and resentment towards some people in my past but as I continue to read scripture, God teaches me more and more about what’s more important. At this point, I want nothing more but to fix any negativity I can fix and pray about the ones that I tried to fix but can’t. God has plans for me and I’m ready to WORK!