Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?
Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.
Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?
Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.
Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?
Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.
Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.
Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.
Life is so much more than what people make it.
I’m not the best at anything. Jack of some trades, master of none. But there is something about having passion in what you do that gives your work a little boost in comparison with others.
I love to write but my grammar stinks. Punctuation is my enemy. Spelling is like Satan’s plan against my life but spell check is the Blood of Jesus.
Imagine if i compared my writing with the smarty-est smarty pants of the writing world. Girl, I’ll quit right now. But MY perspective is the game changer. My style is like ice cream and Edgar Allen Poe’s style is like Filet mignon. BOTH FOODS ARE AWESOME depending on what you’re craving.
Keep the passion in what you do without comparing yourself to anyone else. You are the only you in this world.
Unless your passion is in math cuz girl, 2+2 will always be 4 and no matter how much passion you got, numbers don’t change. Sorry math ppl.
I can tell when someone is pretending to be kind to me.
I can tell when someone is bragging about their success but disguises it with humility.
I can tell when someone is making an effort to prove that they’re better than me.
I can tell
So i let them speak
I play along
I act naive
Because the more they do it, the sillier they look and that’s amusing to me.
You reject Jesus
Because you consider yourselves unworthy of
I’m at ease when i find myself struggling in the daily. I am working endlessly on enhancing my Medical Billing knowledge and it has required me to constantly step out my comfort zone. In order for me to be the best, i need to KNOW the competition. I need to know how they’re excelling, where do they slack, their office cycle, the chain of command, what makes the staff happy, what makes them upset etc. I do endless research on figuring out how to get the most money when coding procedures because it’s not just about coding the right way. It’s also knowing the many insurance guidelines to get the most income. There are deadlines to comply to, appeals to write, insurance companies to fight with… its a lot. My goal is to be the BEST AT IT and once i notice I’m comfortable, i know something is wrong. The medical billing field is fierce but every billing company i stepped foot into were very mechanical. Not one had an open mind to figure out ways to be proactive. I plan to be a pioneer in this field and i can’t for not one minute….rest.
What are your goals? Who do you want to be. What do you want to do? Find what that is and go full force. In this world you have to go all or nothing! Once you are comfortable, you’re in danger! There is no growth there.
This is episode 3 of The Bus Chronicles. Enjoy your day!
Check out my website Kingdom Medical Billing
Im not a big scary movie fan. I refuse to watch anything demonic for obvious reasons so when I saw that IT was available to watch, I was like, oh good, a normal, scary, not demonic movie.
What was that for? I couldn’t sleep allll night cuz the dang movie was creepy. The clown shows up in public places where you think it’s safe and i wasn’t having that. The moral of the story was poppin tho. If you stick together and face your fears, you can beat the clown. If you haven’t watched the movie, this may be a spoil alert. This ugly clown had power against the children only if they were scared of him. Every time they faced their fears, he had absolutely no power.
I laugh at myself cuz i always have to find something good in everything i watch. I don’t recommend watching the movie because you might lose sleep like i did but if you must must watch it, take this message with you.
1. Face your fears
2. You can’t do it alone. A good friend will help and support you.
3. Don’t go after red balloons
4. DO NOT GIVE IN
This is episode 2 of my Bus Chronicles. Have an awesome day!
Currently, we are pending news about a bomb that went off in Times Square which is effecting Jersey City’s NJ transit commute (the bus I’m in). Praying nothing serious comes out of all of this.
Ever felt a whole lot of pressure because of someone’s high expectation of you? I know I have but one thing that settles my anxiety is knowing that as long as I do MY best, disappointing those who are watching me has no effect on my own view of myself.
We can’t take responsibility of how someone chooses to look up to you or look down at you. We all wake up and face a new day with a new attitude and a new outlook in life that effects the way we view others and how others view us. In this emotionally inconsistent world, we have to prepare to impress someone or let someone down. And not be too boastful or too ashamed.
Don’t fret over anyone’s view of you. Don’t beat yourself over the head when you’ve disappointed someone because in the end, you can’t please the world. You see how pleasing God first comes to play? I’m not saying you have to have it right all the time, I’m saying that on your day to day decisions, acknowledge God. For every action, take a moment and ask God for guidance. Do YOUR best, and God will handle the rest. Cliche i know. Lol
That is all for bus chronicles episode 1. Have a great day!
My Child! Let’s sit. I missed you so much
I need you to know that you’re loved a bunch.
I know that life has clouded the truth
So let’s start here! tell me, what bothers you?
I asked The All Knowing All Powerful and True
Don’t you already know where I’ve been and what I’ve been through?
He said of course I do my love, don’t be so confused.
I’d just love to hear from your point of view.
I said, I grew up fatherless and the pain stings til this day.
It distorts the truth of who You are, like you’re not here to stay.
He didn’t love me enough to raise me
He didn’t care enough to look for me
He wasn’t there to protect me
He wasn’t there to love me
They say You’re The Father of all who believe
A Father? So that must mean You too will leave.
He said, I’m sorry about the gap that put between us.
I want to restore you but you need to trust.
I’m not the son of man that I should lie.
Give me a chance my daughter, don’t pass me by.
I yelled, fine I give in! What then do I call you?
God? The Holy one? Master? To me, who are you?
He whispered; Call me Daddy to keep you from religious habits.
There is no easy way to do this or grasp it.
We need time, relationship and honesty.
At anytime, just know you can call on me.
In any place in any way, don’t worry my child.
I have all the patience in this world; I can wait a long while.
But don’t lose sight of me in the rain.
Then all you will ever see is your pain.
And Sunday school is not in session,
Because this is a flying lesson.
So Hold my hand, we will do this together
I am God. I’ll be with you forever.
A flying lesson? I said swiftly and excited.
That sounds too fun, is it okay to be delighted?
I mean, It seems You’re a bore the way they speak of you.
Don’t you punish and condemn like you’re known to do?
Punish and condemn? He questioned and smiled lightly.
Is that all they are saying about me?
Seems like my words are heavily mediated by my people.
You know, you have full access to my steeple?
NO! Because you are Holy and too far for me to reach.
Free access to you is not what they teach.
Don’t I have to be right with you to be considered?
Can you just fix me now like a wizard?
Your Holiness seems so cold and sterile.
Obvious to me, my life is in peril
He replied to me with so much love and Grace
Your heart I want. Your heart I chase.
Come to me as your are
Your idea of me is so far
I am Love, I am peace, I am your foundation
Believe in me child. I am your salvation.
We respond so hastily to our feelings. We may even pay more attention to our own feelings than the Written Word of God. There have been plenty of times when I felt God’s love for me was nonexistent, but I learned that those feelings were far from the truth. I listened to those lies over and over until scripture went through one ear and came out the other. Listening to our own feelings produces an invisible barrier around the heart that blocks the truth from entering. Ever felt like the pastor was preaching an encouraging, grace filled sermon that you felt didn’t apply to you? Those are feelings taking over preventing The Truth to come to life.
God has taught me through various trials that I had to pursue Him even in the hardest, busiest times of my life. When things are going smoothly, reading scripture is easy. Seeking God is no struggle. It’s when life takes over, when 24hrs isn’t enough to get things done, when everyday we’re in survival mode that we may stop making God priority without even knowing it. Making sure rent is paid is super important to all of us. Making sure there is food in the fridge for our children is vital. The enemy is keen to what matters to us the most and may choose to attack those areas to distract us. Yes, we pray and ask God for help but that 1 hour a day we used to seek His face sometimes turns to 10 minutes. Its human to respond to our feelings, to respond to an empty refrigerator, to a negative bank account, to loneliness, but it is spiritual to respond with urgency to the Holy Ghost.
Once we begin to push and bring ourselves out of the funk, we begin to see miracles. The struggle may not be over, but the anxiety disappears. We start to see the little love gestures God puts in front of us to show that He is in control… that He cares. There are many verses with stories of people who lost hope and God came through. Read them, and declare the restoration of your hope. Fight through the feelings, don’t give in! God has the last word.