“How’s your spiritual life?”
A good friend asked me this question as I was driving and all I could say was “ISSA ROLLERCOASTER”
“I hate how inconsistent my faith is. There are times when I’m super sensitive to God’s word and pretty much any verse I read moves me. Then, there are days when I dont wanna do it anymore. It’s too much pressure to be a certain way and I wonder why I can’t just be me. (Inconsistent, failure, angry, doubtful, annoyed) and be an acceptable Christian. I hate performing but I have no choice but to pretend cuz in the end, people have their negative opinions that if I just “behave” they wont talk.
and when I feel like that, I shut down. I don’t wanna do it anymore. Its all a performance. People act like they don’t fail and stand on the altar with a holier than thou mentality and I’m just over it.
I struggle with paranoia, anxiety, depression and some days, inadequacy. I wish I knew more people like me so we could get through together. But apparently, I’m in this all alone as long as we are all pretending.”
Let me take this time to elaborate:
- When I look in the mirror, I don’t feel ashamed of my shortcomings. I just wish people could be more accepting so I could feel free to express how God helps me through it
- My sins might not be one that shows on the outside. They are sins that I commit without anyone knowing. Like wanting to punch people in the face. You wouldnt know about it unless I punched you in the face.
- I DO worry how I present myself to people because if anyone knew about my anxiety, theyd think I have no faith and that’s not true. I’m just human like everyone else and I don’t want people to stop coming to me because I’m struggling.
I’ve spent so much time on my blog THINKING I knew it all. As I continue to live my life and expierence different things, I realized that I only know from 1 perspective. Mine. I refuse to knock anyone down for speaking or writing their experiences. In fact, I thrive on listening to other people. I have such a huge interest on hearing testimonies and struggles and heartbreaks and failures. Not to judge but to learn and to be a compassionate friend. To say, “You know what? I get it.”. To be a friend I wish I had.
Everyone has their ups and downs. Heck, one day I’m blogging like cray, the next I wanna shut the whole thing down. So, yeah! My life IS a rollercoaster but guess what? People actually pay money to ride those things.
My life, my perspective, my business
Your life, your perspective, mind YOUR business.
But if you wanna share our lives, share our perspectives and not know it all, then let’s ride this rollercoaster together.