Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.



When you lock up all your deepest secrets,

You will never accept love at its deepest.

When they show you love, how could you believe it?

Because if they knew your secret

They really wouldn’t love you or try to heal it.

The shame will surface and you’ll feel it.

So you keep your secrets a secret.


Don’t be scared to let it go

It’s your secret but God already knows.

Open up, let your secrets show.

Healing takes over and mercy flows.

Don’t be nervous just let it blow!

Your secrets to many, are like Gold!

And when someone loves, you feel it whole.

The shame is gone and your face glows.

Sin like scarlet, now you’re snow

when you let your secrets go.

It’s good to learn about new people

I took some time to read some blogs under the tag “Grace” and I enjoyed every post I came across. We need to step out of our realm and take a look at the ideas of other minds out there. I loved reading about people’s struggles, thoughts, doubts and ideas about scripture. It opened up my mind and brings me to realize that there is more to life than what I’m exposed to now.  

People are more honest here on WordPress. You can sense the feelings being poured out on each post with no limits and all masks taken off. That’s what I love to see! 

Today I read about 5 blogs and they all have one thing in common. Courage. They have enough courage to reveal their true thoughts, feelings and doubts to post online for the world to see. It’s the transparency that pulls me in. 

What holds you back? Why do you keep some of your thoughts to yourself? Hey, everyone is a work in progress and life is about having new experiences everyday. As we grow, we learn that everything is worth sharing. We all just need time to get to that point. 

How to read a blog

I sense that there are people who read my blog prepared to discredit anything I say. They look out for my biblical references and immediately misinterpret my thoughts and opinions. I love when people pull the “practice what you preach” card.

First and foremost, I’d like to say in clear plain text:

My blog meets no standards.

In other words

When I write, I don’t follow any rules.

In other words

My blog is about how I express myself when it comes to being a Christian and that includes flaws.

We need to learn how to read blogs with an open mind and understand that everyone has their own opinion about … Life!

Don’t shove your ideas down someone else’s throat and write a condescending comment as if you know it all.

When it comes to my blog, I write exactly how I feel. I have no interest in making up some silly story that will make me look any type of way. My normal self is interesting enough.

If I want to write that I was once upset at God or that I wanted to punch people in the face, I’m gunna write it. Since when did being a Christian signify being perfect. Since when did God say “pretend that you got it all together” um no.

I admire people who are honest about their true feelings and don’t try to cover it up to look like a pretty pretty pretty holy princess.

Next time you look at anyone’s webpage, blog, social media, etc. Appreciate their perspective. If you don’t agree with their idea, don’t look down on them.

Don’t be condescending.