I Didn’t Know Where To Look

Story submitted by Joselyn W.

Four years ago I was going through a really hard time in my life. I made a decision without thinking it through but thought it was for the best.

That decision landed me behind bars for almost a year.

I was lost, confused and just didn’t know where to look. I was not going to church like I used to and I felt like God just gave up on me. The day of my sentencing I was able to go home and I had 3 months to surrender. I remember getting in my car and just yelling, crying wondering why! I knew that I did this to myself and didn’t think about anybody. I didn’t want to live anymore. I wanted to just go to a bridge and just jump. Nobody knew or understood the demon that I was fighting within.

One night I started to drive with no destination in mind and the devil was really attacking my spirit. I started to drive to the nearest bridge, thinking it would be the best thing to do. As I get closer to the bridge my phone rings it was my best friend. She just wanted to talk and I held every tear that I needed to so I wouldn’t give it away. She knew that I was going thru an emotional rollercoaster but she never knew how bad the thoughts that were going thru my mind were. As she was talking to me she started to tell me that everybody makes mistakes and we all learn from them. She said more words but she never knew or understood how she saved my life that day. It was God!

As my sentencing got closer, I remember hugging my son and just crying letting him know that mommy will be gone for a little while but that I will be back and he will be able to see me soon. We cried, hugged and said our I love you!

The day that I surrendered, I remember asking God to protect me. As I walked in and sat down I was surrounded by 4 walls. As I did my time God spoke to my heart and all I felt was peace. He let me see that some decisions in my life were not perfect but he was going to help me get thru them. He allowed me to see that the relationship that I was in at the time was not for me, and I let it go once I got home.

We all make mistakes. Some may be larger than others, but no matter what God will always be by our side. There are times when we feel like He stopped listening to us or that He doesn’t care, but He does. He will never leave our side no matter the disappointments that we provide to Him, He will always be there. He may allow us to fall at times but He will be by our side to pick us up. Lord knows that without the strength that He provided to me I may not be here today. He allows you to see the toxic people in your life and is up to you to let them go and learn from them!


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It is impossible with many possibilities!

God loves the word impossible. He likes to manifest himself in the areas of our lives that we proclaim to be impossible. Sometimes, I notice God allowing our lives to flip upside down so that He can manifest in it.

I heard a sermon the other day and the preacher repeated these words over and over,

“God is never early.”

He focused on having the patience to wait on the Lord. There are things in our lives that we want NOW and it seems that God is always late to our prayers. Sometimes, we go ahead and make moves before the Lord gives us permission. Yes Lord, these things do happen more often than never but today I def have to say that God, You are super EARLY to my prayers.

Currently, to me, it seems impossible to maintain this blessing that we have received and have not yet prayed for. I can’t help to feel like, wow! This blessing has come way too soon. We are not mentally prepared, physically prepared, financially prepared or emotionally prepared for what He have given us.

I spoke to a good friend and she told me that this blessing is pure proof that God knows exactly what He is doing. This blessing is such a SHOCK to the bones and happened in such an inconvenient time that as followers of Christ, we have to see that God is up to something. We may think we are not prepared but God sees my family more than capable to sustain His blessing for us. I guess it is because we feel unprepared that God found us more than prepared to carry on this blessing. I’ve noticed that the more certain you feel about the next move you choose to make for your life, the less capable you are to follow through in the long run (spiritually speaking). I have felt so certain about a few plans I made for my future that did not end in my favor. There have been other turn of events that I felt unprepared for that ended up being the perfect thing for me and my family.

We don’t need the answers for everything, our job is to simply have faith in God with every curve ball life throws at us. The more impossible it seems, the more possible it turns out to be.