Don’t Manipulate. Try to Negotiate.

I don’t care if you’re religious, spiritual, regular, basic, gender fluid, illegal alien, intragalactic/intergalactic alien or Alien Gonzalez. No one is ever pleased to find out they’ve been manipulated. It’s like trickery or betrayal. I once learned that manipulation is a form of witchcraft. Try not to image someone behind a cauldron chanting Latin phrases, dumping frog toes while stirring slowly in pursuit of controlling you. I’m talking regular people like you and I tricking someone to move in OUR direction. Doesn’t seem much like witchcraft but if you know your victims weak spot enough to use it against them…I’d compare that to stirring the pot, don’t you think?

All types of manipulation is evil. The act involves using tricks, lots of lying and careful deceiving. Wait! I just thought about how I manipulate my son to wash his hands after using the bathroom. “Nate, if you don’t want another eye infection, you have to wash your hands.” Manipulation? Manipulation would tell my son that if he doesn’t wash his hands, his eyeball would get sick and fall out. What I told my son was an order that contained actual facts. But I cant order my peers around the same way I do my son. Therefore, the most appropriate way to try and get my way with someone is to negotiate or compromise.

Negotiate: obtain or bring about by discussion.

If you choose to manipulate while the other party is trying to negotiating, what the heck man?! Aren’t we reading this to be better people? c’mon! The point of this blog post is to awaken the truth behind manipulation. A lot of us do it without trying to be naughty not realizing that manipulation is naughty in itself. What’s wrong with being honest and telling someone exactly what we want? Why must we try to wiggle our way around to get it. You know what else wiggles? Snakes! LOL.

If you want your husband to clean the flippin bathroom, say: “Husband! Can you clean the bathroom?” Why do we have to say things like “Hunnyyyyyy.. the bathroom has been awfully smelly and I just cant bathe the baby in that tub. Ugh, I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.”

That sounds too specific huh? That’s me. I said that! I don’t do bathrooms. I have bathroom phobias. I keep everything in the house tidy every single day. Nothing is ever out of place when I put my head on my pillow every night. Bathroom? Mess! Not me. I don’t touch it.

I guess I started this post cuz I noticed I was manipulating my husband to clean the bathroom. I simply changed my ways. Repentance, if I may. Now, I just ask him to do it. His response is usually, “I’ll do it another day.”. Then 3 months go by and bathroom isn’t cleaned and I have to do it gagging all the way through.

I didn’t say negotiation means you get what you want. But that’s the sacrifice of trying to be honest. I’ll get over it. You’ll get over it.

 

 

 

The Konmarie Method is EVERYTHING

I may have a hint of OCD guys. I HATE MESS with all my heart and soul. YES, I drive my husband and kids crazy but guess what? Being neat and tidy is the secret to savingĀ  money, keeping clothes in tip top shape and keeps general order in the house.

Before reading Tiding Up with Marie Kondo, I did pretty well keeping things in order but I wanted to see what Marie had to say. I wanted that professional touch.

Kenia’s method: Keeping clothes in order by category and neatly folding them flat. also, removing clothes not warn in 1 year or that do not fit.

Konmarie method: Keep clothes by category but fold upright and in thirds. Remove clothes that do not spark joy.

It took me 2 hours to go through 5 people’s drawers and now everything is upright and folded in thirds. This method lets me see all my clothes when I open my drawer. I think that’s the best part of Konmarie method.

Taking care of your clothes saves money and time. Money: because you see everything you have so there is no need to go a buy more and more clothing. Time: because when its time to dress my kids, there is no wondering if something fits or if something is clean. This has been true since 2014 (When my tiny OCD surfaced).

In general, every item in my home is accounted for. The best thing I did was to take inventory of household cleaners, personal care items, food and etc. I try to stick to purchasing the same brands on every item to ensure I’m purchasing at the best prices. For example, I should never pay more than $4 on Tresseme Shampoo. $3.50 is a great sale and when the circulars come in, there is always a 5 off dollar coupon on 2 Tresseme products (Shampoo & Conditioner). Inventory also helps in knowing what is missing so when I’m passing the supermarket, I could go ahead and buy it. We never suddenly run out of toilet paper or bars of soap with this method.

There is a negative side to this. The kids cant keep up. I understand they are children but I take the time to sit and explain where everything goes and practice folding and tyding. Their room is never impeccable but never looks like a jungle. Everything is orderly enough that I could clean it up in 5 minutes.

The point of this post is to encourage tidying. But also read the book to help you with whats keeping your home messy. Once you find the root cause, things get tidier and tidier <3.

 

 

Started from the bottom

So, I was living in a basement with my family for a year or so. One half sized bedroom with a quarter of a living room and tiny kitchen. It was small. So I prayed.

6 months in this apartment and I was about to give birth to my son. I needed space So I prayed.  I prayed in tears and the Lord told me I had to wait.

See. I could have moved anywhere at anytime. I had the money. But this time, I wanted to make sure that my next home was what the Lord had prepared for me and my family.

Another six months passed and I continued to wait. Rather than being bitter, I made the best of what I had.  I decorated and cleaned up my tiny home to show the Lord that I appreciated what He initially had given me.

I prayed for the upstairs apartment. I asked the Lord over and over for it. It seemed like it was never going to happen until my husband’s grandfather [who was living on the 2nd floor] got a job as a super in a building. This job meant that he was getting an apartment rent free.  They were moving out. 

There is a lot of *in betweens* in my story. Dealing with a newborn and a 3 year old in a small basement. The respiratory infections my family endured. The flooding. The centipedes. No Windows. No sunlight. As I think about it, it was painful to live there but the Lord applied enough grace for me to appreciate it and make the best out of it. I didn’t go crazy. WE didn’t go crazy.

Now I’m laying down on my bed. I have 3 Windows in my bedroom. My living room has 2 Windows. There are Windows in the other 2 bedrooms. I actually see the sun. My daughter doesn’t have to ask me if its night time yet. She can look out the window.

I have more than enough space! I even have my own walk in closet. If you walk a little bit more, there is a door to the balcony. In my walk in closet, I have an art table. Extra lighting. A huge mirror. Massive space. Lord. I’m grateful.

See, I see the small things. I appreciate something as small as a window because I didn’t have one before. I appreciate sunlight. I appreciate the extra counter space to cook a nice meal for my husband. I appreciate not having to mop up the water on the floor after a heavy storm. Wow!

I started from the basement. Now I’m on the 2nd floor.

I started from the bottom. Now I’m here!  Praise God.

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