I Didn’t Know Where To Look

Story submitted by Joselyn W.

Four years ago I was going through a really hard time in my life. I made a decision without thinking it through but thought it was for the best.

That decision landed me behind bars for almost a year.

I was lost, confused and just didn’t know where to look. I was not going to church like I used to and I felt like God just gave up on me. The day of my sentencing I was able to go home and I had 3 months to surrender. I remember getting in my car and just yelling, crying wondering why! I knew that I did this to myself and didn’t think about anybody. I didn’t want to live anymore. I wanted to just go to a bridge and just jump. Nobody knew or understood the demon that I was fighting within.

One night I started to drive with no destination in mind and the devil was really attacking my spirit. I started to drive to the nearest bridge, thinking it would be the best thing to do. As I get closer to the bridge my phone rings it was my best friend. She just wanted to talk and I held every tear that I needed to so I wouldn’t give it away. She knew that I was going thru an emotional rollercoaster but she never knew how bad the thoughts that were going thru my mind were. As she was talking to me she started to tell me that everybody makes mistakes and we all learn from them. She said more words but she never knew or understood how she saved my life that day. It was God!

As my sentencing got closer, I remember hugging my son and just crying letting him know that mommy will be gone for a little while but that I will be back and he will be able to see me soon. We cried, hugged and said our I love you!

The day that I surrendered, I remember asking God to protect me. As I walked in and sat down I was surrounded by 4 walls. As I did my time God spoke to my heart and all I felt was peace. He let me see that some decisions in my life were not perfect but he was going to help me get thru them. He allowed me to see that the relationship that I was in at the time was not for me, and I let it go once I got home.

We all make mistakes. Some may be larger than others, but no matter what God will always be by our side. There are times when we feel like He stopped listening to us or that He doesn’t care, but He does. He will never leave our side no matter the disappointments that we provide to Him, He will always be there. He may allow us to fall at times but He will be by our side to pick us up. Lord knows that without the strength that He provided to me I may not be here today. He allows you to see the toxic people in your life and is up to you to let them go and learn from them!

 

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Henry 

On the streets of my previous job, there was a man who lived on the sidewalk. He sat there inside of what looked like a fort made of cardboard. He had a large white paint bucket, a stroller covered in a black garbage bag and a blue and white cooler. He sat right in front of the entrance to my job so I saw him every single day. He looked like he made the best of his situation and pretty much made that piece of sidewalk his home. 
One day, it was raining and he was standing under the small awning of my building. Every day he wore a green flight jacket and it looked like he wore lots of layers underneath. When I passed him, we spoke for a little and I ran upstairs to my office. To me, he was a fully concious regular old man. Deep down, I wanted to know more about this man so I decided to make time to talk to him or at least buy him breakfast and make small talk. (Not everyone is willing to tell you their life’s story. Always take it step by step.)

Another morning, I went to Duncan Donuts and bought him a bagel with cream cheese and a medium coffee with milk and sugar.  That day it snowed and, as usual, he was taking cover under the awning of my building.  He cheerfully said,

“The snow isn’t bad at all, see! It slides right off my jacket.” I laughed and said

“You know, you’re right, it’s not even that cold outside.” 

It’s like we both agreed that the day was beautiful and not as bad as people made it seem. 

I gave him his breakfast and he was so greatful for it. Deep down I didn’t feel like I did anything special. I just felt like I did what I was supposed to do. This man was hungry and like any other hungry person that would cross my path, I’d get em’ food. It’s just common courtesy. I wanted to do something that would make a small difference in this mans life but I wasn’t sure. 

My friend Joanna told me that Henry likes black coffee, no milk or sugar. “GOOD!” I thought, “He should get what he prefers. Nothing less. ”

One afternoon, I was eating lunch and I didn’t finish it. My coworker urged me to give Henry my leftovers. I was extremely offended but I couldn’t show it. It wasn’t fair to my coworker who didn’t know any better. I thought to myself, “I would never serve my husband or children my left over food IF I myself had a fresh HOT meal in my belly.”

Henry taught me a lot. He taught me how to be greatful through all circumstances, how to be grateful for everything given to me and how to be specific in my petitions. 

The next morning, I went to Duncan Donuts again and got him his perfered black coffee and a bagel. Before I handed it to him, Henry said, 

” I like black coffee.” I told him,

“Yup! I’m ahead of the game!”

Another coworker heard us talking and said “uhhh. He should take whatever is given to him. He shouldn’t be asking for anything specific! It’s free!” 

Why? Why can’t he ask for black coffee? Is it because he’s homeless. Because you think he is beneath you?! 

Henry, thank you for unknowingly stealing my heart. You have allowed me to discover my purpose. You’ve allowed me to open up my eyes to the true perspective of this world towards humanity. I pray that healing pours through your body and that God removes any sicknessess that disturbs you. Your heart is a lot more cleaner than some people on this earth full of riches. Don’t be discouraged. 

I’m not blogging about this to glorify anything that I’ve done in fact, I’m quite ashamed that I didn’t do more for him. Although, society seems more cruel than loving, I can say that I saw a lot of people take time out of their busy day to help this man. People stopped to give him cash, shoes, food, umbrellas and most importantly, hope. 

I know this entry is all over the place but my expierence with Henry is too lengthy to write. And I’m sleepy.

 Just remember scripture,

Matthew 25:40 

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Treat your neighbor as yourself and bring a little hope to the next discouraged soul that you bump into. 

-AuthKG

My Testimony: We suffer to comfort others

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Father who is full of mercy, the God of all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble so that when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.

This week I have been receiving the same message over and over again. “Help people who are suffering the same thing you’ve suffered and comfort them the way I have comforted you.”

I have suffered through a few things but the biggest one was the sin of adultery and admitting to my husband that I was unfaithful to him. I went through every consequence that follows this type of sin. We separated, I lost my apartment, I went through the whole court process in regards to child support, I received divorce papers, people gossiped, people enjoyed my pain, I was abandoned by my friends and betrayed by a fellow female church member who used that opportunity to get closer to my husband and slightly succeeded.

Internally, I suffered the guilt and shame standing in front of God before I knew I didn’t have to feel that way. I had to take responsibility for my actions and I stood before the leaders of the church. They accused me, pointed their fingers, and called me a liar. Worse, they didn’t help me at all. Instead they pushed me to the side unless it was convenient for them to defend me.

My list continues but what matters the most is that I came out of that situation like Gold!! Not only do I have my husband back, our family continues to grow and prosper spiritually. I am free to talk about my past sins with him and he encourages me every time I hit a tough spot that I haven’t gotten over. My husband also agrees to come together and help those who are suffering through the same thing we have suffered. I am more than happy to say that our relationship is beyond what I expected. We have been through the toughest, darkest valleys and we made it out stronger than ever for the GLORY OF GOD!

It was my molding process. My storm molded me into the woman of God I am today. There is no doubt in my mind about my spiritual life, my family and our ministry. I tell you, repenting takes you a LONG way. Being honest does wonders to your life. Taking responsibilities for your sins brings you to a place that you’ve never imagined. Trusting in God has benefits that words cannot describe.

Why would I keep my beautiful testimony to myself? Why would I waste all the suffering I went through to keep it hidden in a place called shame? Sorry, that’s not who I am. I am bold and I am confident in the things that God has allowed me to go through.

Why now? Healing takes time and although I felt I was healed long ago, I wasn’t strong enough to be extra open about it on my blog as I am today. What sparked it? Well, apparently, people still find my storm amusing enough to attempt to gossip about it with one of my closest friends. People have no idea what I’m doing and no one will never catch a clue by focusing on my social media. I’m smart enough to show only what needs to be seen.

To my faithful haters: I AM NOT ASHAMED! The more you speak of me, the more you glorify the God who has delivered me from my sin. Take a hint. I disarmed you by telling people myself what I have done. I preach about it. I personally tell people about it. The only harm you are causing is the harm you’re inflicting on yourself and on your soul. My ONE sin may have been and outward, unclean thing I’ve done to myself but at least I’m aware of it and at least it doesn’t amount to the 50 you keep hidden.

Currently, I am attempting to encourage 2 people in their storm. I won’t disclose their stories yet but it has everything to do with adultery and the suffering behind it. They give my personal suffering purpose and amplifies the truth behind 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

After today, I’m hoping to slowly reveal some specific stories from my storm so stay tuned. Im here to help so send me an Email if you need encouragement. AuthKG@yahoo.com    Instagram. Twitter. Snapchat— @AuthKG

I asked for love and You showed me the Cross. 

I can only imagine, living in Jerusalem during the crucifixion and watching my savior being crucified on the cross from afar. It didn’t matter where I went or where I stood, I was still able to see it happen. The Romans assured that it was to be done in public for all to see.

After watching the gruesome torment of the crucifixion, I would never look at the cross the same. The cross to me would be a horrific symbol. Looking at a symbol like the cross would bring sadness upon me like never before. I would demand the cross be torn down and burned. “It was on the cross that my savior died. TAKE IT DOWN! It brings me back to that horrific day!”

Who would keep the car that killed your mother? Who would keep the gun that shot your brother? Who would keep anything associated to a loved ones death?

God is perfect and He can do anything and everything. His ways never match mine. God’s magnificence took a terrible piece of His death and turned it into the symbol of Love. The thought of the Cross representing love seemed impossible 2000 years ago but God, YOU turned it into a symbol of LOVE that can only be found in You!

I asked for Your love God, and you showed me the Cross. Nothing is impossible for you! How could I ever doubt you Lord? How?