Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
It’s been months since my last post and I’m actually pleased about it. I’ve been too busy living to write. My notebook is empty, my google drive a lot cleaner and my mind… content. I have a new outlook in life and this view allows less desire for blogging.
It was a Sunday like today when I looked at my husband and said “Let’s move to Florida”. He always wanted to move but he patiently waited for me to give the okay. Well I gave the okay and man, I was scared.
4 months in and I don’t see myself ever looking back. Unless of course there is an emergency that I’d have to pack up and leave but other than that, Florida is home. Imagine if I let fear control me. I would have missed out on a lot.
I’m not pretending there wasn’t a struggle. There was struggle and we still see struggle today. It’s just that I’m so thankful for God guiding us and helping us through. For showing His sovereignty in the midst of turmoil.
I have great friends. Great co-workers. I’ve seen so much favor. I’ve witnessed miracles and wonders. More strength came upon me. More growth within me. More Joy in my heart. Sometimes you need to be further from comfort to see more clearly. To feel more often. To stop and absorb God’s goodness. To thrive.
There is purpose when I am and I’m just anxious to see what’s next.
When I look back to the days when I cried everyday. The days of hurt, abuse, betrayal, loneliness and desperation, I realize that there was purpose in it all. I needed the pain to grow. Without the pain, I couldn’t see the promising road ahead of me. I’ll never go back and redo those days. Those days to me are GOLD.
To my mistakes
To my accusers
To my enemies
To anyone who did me wrong.
Thanks to you, My feet are on solid ground.
This trophy is FOR YOU
Take it. 🏆
We have this subtle and very sinful tendency
to look at what happens to someone else
and we think
we are not as bad of a sinner as they are
when the reality is,
we are all sinners at the core.
I urge you;
do not let the circumstances of others
make you think of yourself as righteous
for that self-righteousness in itself
is dreadfully sinful.
Said faith is just a transaction; you say your prayer of repentance and are assumed to be saved. It’s a sense of spirituality unconcerned with fellowship but concerned with individuality. There is no freedom, no passion, and sometimes said believers walk away from Christ as a whole because there hasn’t been a complete renewal of the mind.
I always thought I was saved when I first made that vocal transaction during the altar call. Afterwards, I didn’t sense a change in my heart. I was concerned with ensuring I was following the rules and regulations of the church to present myself as “holy” unto man. I didn’t understand what it meant to be Holy and no one explained to me that being Holy wasn’t possible by my own works. The day I decided to submit my life, my will and, my soul to the Lord, was the day I realized that the process of repentance wasn’t a same day procedure.
Repentance was like a dagger in my heart turning and turning with no mercy. The sadness was so crippling that every breath was so painful to take. God opened my eyes to my sin, made me aware of the people I have hurt and had me question my salvation as a whole. I knew where my soul was heading and I begged God to have mercy on me. Since I didn’t know about Grace at the time, I just assumed that my fate in Hell couldn’t be reversed. I begged God to make a way for me. I said “Lord, I know you’re all powerful and you could do anything you please. Could I ask that you make it so that I didn’t have to go to Hell? Could you bend the rules just this one time so that I could have a chance?”. After that day, the Lord began to show me Jesus. Not just the one I routinely sang about in church but the one that died and rose again…for me.
I heard of an older woman who attended church for the majority of her life saying that she wasn’t sure if she was going to Heaven or Hell. Jesus didn’t die on The Cross for us to question if His sacrifice worked or not. If you say that salvation is something you could lose then you may not have it at all to begin with. Teaching that you lose your salvation in just one sinful thought is saying that in one sinful thought, The Cross wasn’t enough. Yesterday, I was upset at how someone lied in my face and in that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me how I lied to my mom a few months ago. Was my lie strong enough to revoke what The Cross did for me? If that is so, my destination will be forever Hell starting right now. I do my best to live a life pleasing to God but man I mess up A LOT. If it was that easy to lose my salvation…I. Will. Never. Make. IT.
Be careful how you preach salvation. I will never endorse living a sinful life as real Salvation encourages one to live free from sin. If you can stand confidently and say that you’re going to heaven because YOU live holy and YOU are sanctified and because YOU pray, fast, meditate, preach and recycle….id be concerned. You are Holy because of the Blood. You are Holy because Jesus covered your sin so that it doesn’t shine scarlet red before a Holy God.
Psa 4:4 Tremble with fear, and stop sinning. Think about this when you go to bed, and calm down.
Before bed I always examine how I handled the day. Was I grateful? Could I have handled things better? Should I have left a few things unsaid? I just thank God that He allows me to analyze myself and expose my own flaws. I can always choose to place excuses before them. The fact is, excuses bring no growth aaaaaand I’m trying to get somewhere. 😉
Eze 24:12 “‘Jerusalem might work hard to scrub away her stains. But that ‘rust’ will not go away! Only the fire of punishment will remove it.
Covering up our own sin is like wasting energy scrubbing rust off of iron.
When my sin was deep, I did my best to lie, cover it up, justify it, pretend it never happend but as I read Ezekiel, no one gets away with sin without His punishment.
As humans, we have a tendency to avoid sufferings. We don’t want to be punished. We don’t want the Word of God to be fulfilled when it comes to our sin. We only want God’s word about His blessings and prosperity to manifest when we snap our fingers.
The more we try to avoid His punishment, the more we find ourselves rotating in the same sin we claimed to have repented over months ago… Years ago.
The only way to stop doing it for good (or as frequent as usual) is to accept God’s punishment. Get real about your sin and go through God’s fire like a mature believer.
God punishes us because He loves us. Think about it. If He were to simply kill us, we would go to Hell. Instead, He gives us a chance to change our ways on earth even if it means we have to suffer just a little compared to eternity. That’s Grace.
Do you comprehend what it means to pray an honest prayer?
Lamentations 3:18 I said to myself, “I no longer have any hope that the LORD will help me.”
The Lord reveals to us that it is normal to have doubt. Today I read chapter 3 of Lamentations and I was comforted by Jeremiah’s honest, sorrowful prayer. It helped me understand that I can be honest to God with my doubts, fear, sins, insecurities and troubles.
I’m glad that I can express vocally my true feelings and intentions deep within. I’m glad that God allows me to confront my sins and bring them to Him in prayer.
Many times I’ve put up a wall in front of my sin and even block myself from the truth. The lies were so deep that the sin remained untouched due to denial. I praise God for the Holy Spirit that continues to convict me daily and prompts me to analyze myself. I’m fully convinced that self-analysis is a GIFT and not everyone has it.
I constantly think about a few people who have been successful at lying to themselves. I question “how?” but then I immediately recall myself doing the same thing. The problem with me was that my lies haunted me like a legit scary ghost. I couldn’t sleep, eat, think clearly or find comfort because my mind was way too focused on putting up a wall, putting on a mask, sweeping the dirt under the carpet etc. Covering my own sin was a full time job and it robbed me from focusing on anything else. I couldn’t focus on scripture, learning about God, ministry, spreading the gospel or anything. I had no time or energy to do anything else because I was too busy using that time to cover my sin.
God wants us to be honest; to open up and stop making excuses for our sins. We need to stop blame shifting and take responsibility for our actions and doubts. The longer it takes for us to tell God, the longer we suffer and the more we find ourselves lying…to ourself.
There is freedom in Christ when we are honest and repent. Rather than having to cover and lie over our sin, the Lord takes it and tosses it to the deepest part if the sea. We won’t have to bother with it anymore.
Why carry the burden?
I wish I was able to cope with failure in this manner.
Lv1. You mess up badly
Lv2. You realize that if anyone were to find out about your screw up, you’d be in deep fecal material.
Lv3. You drown in the deepest guilt of all time.
Lv4. Make the ultimate decision to pretend it never happened.
There are plenty ways to justify level 4.
“God forgets my sin when I ask for forgivness. Therefore, I can pretend it never happened.”
Forgetting and pretending are 2 totally different things. When you forget something, you acknowledge that a situation was once true. Then you choose not to go back to let it condemn you. When you pretend, you’re lying.
How about the awful excuse “I dont remember” or even trying to make up an entirely different story to replace what actually happened.
The worst one is to 100% lie and say, “No, I never did that. My hands are clean”
If you can easily fool yourself and literally pretend that your failure never ever happened, check thyself. A true believer in Grace does not think this way. We take failure and sin for what it is and embrace it. Grace believers turn sin into testimony.
Denial is not coping, it’s insanity.
So today on my 2 hour long commute, I was doing a self-analysis. It went something like:
“God, why does my mind wander? Why does my mind think of such sinful things yet my heart doesn’t want to go anywhere near it. This is a TRAP Lord. I’m always going to fail weather I want to or not. I can’t control my mind. I can only repent after sin nature kicks in. Oh but You tell us about Grace. Grace Grace Grace. Lord, I just don’t want to sin. Not even in my head. I love You. I want you to be happy with me. ”
How many times do we forget that God understands? Why can’t we capture the meaning of Grace in these circumstances? Alert to self! This doubt that I’m inputting here, is sin too.
We can’t avoid it. Ever. There is nothing that we as believers can do to make it right with our own works, deeds and actions.
My circumstance is just a reminder:
We are made clean through Jesus and we have to remember this ALL THE TIME. As soon as we begin to beat ourselves up over something that God knows we have no control over, we advertise a meaningless cross.
The TRAP was set by the enemy. May he be rebuked in the name of Jesus.
Long commute selfieeee
As Chirstians, we know what’s good and we know what’s bad. Sometimes, we are not aware if we did something bad.
God doesn’t judge those who are not aware of their sin. He won’t judge a man for hating his brother if he didn’t know that hating his brother was a sin.
Ohhhh but there is harsh judgment from God if you are aware of sin and you commit it anyway.
I always try to warn people about a sin that I fell into. I remind them of my story, the consequences I had to endure and the pain that resulted afterward. I do this because its my job as a Christian.
If that person commits the same sin after they have seen God’s wrath upon me, it is biblical that that person suffers worse than I did.
2 Peter 2:21
It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life.
Look at the story of Daniel and Belshazzar.
Belshazzar knew what his father Nebuchadnezzar endured with The Lord. Belshazzar knew his father was sent in the wilderness by the Lord to live with the animals because he wouldn’t humble himself. Belshazzar KNEW! instead, he continued to sin and God took away his kingdom completely within 24 hours. [You know, before the day was over, I guess? I forgot]
See God didn’t take away Nebs kingdom while he was in the wilderness. God dealt lightly with him because he didn’t know as much as Bel knew. Since Bel was aware of the God of Israel and his wrath, he was treated harsh-er. 😐
People! don’t do what you already know is bad. You’ll wreck yourself. I’m telling you, it’s gunna hurt.