Space and Time

We cant use an earthly scale to measure God. In fact, He simply cannot be measured. Otherwise, we would need an item bigger than He is. We would need a ruler bigger than Him to get a number like 5 ft 5 in. Yet, He can be small enough to create a grain of sand. Small enough to heal hearts and minds, to cure sickness in the tiniest artery. But, big enough to create the sun and suns greater than the one we see in our horizon. Then, small enough to feed the birds in the air and fill the fields with flowers.

I look into the sky and see endless amounts of stars. I suddenly feel like the galaxy is a lot bigger than God. I measured God by the amount of love He has for me. And I’m just a drop of water in all the waters in the world. I compared His love for me to the sky with no end that He created with His own hands. How could a being that created thousands of galaxies find the time or fit in the space that I’m in.

Then it came to me. God is not subject to time or space. Time and space are subject to Him.

Don’t Manipulate. Try to Negotiate.

I don’t care if you’re religious, spiritual, regular, basic, gender fluid, illegal alien, intragalactic/intergalactic alien or Alien Gonzalez. No one is ever pleased to find out they’ve been manipulated. It’s like trickery or betrayal. I once learned that manipulation is a form of witchcraft. Try not to image someone behind a cauldron chanting Latin phrases, dumping frog toes while stirring slowly in pursuit of controlling you. I’m talking regular people like you and I tricking someone to move in OUR direction. Doesn’t seem much like witchcraft but if you know your victims weak spot enough to use it against them…I’d compare that to stirring the pot, don’t you think?

All types of manipulation is evil. The act involves using tricks, lots of lying and careful deceiving. Wait! I just thought about how I manipulate my son to wash his hands after using the bathroom. “Nate, if you don’t want another eye infection, you have to wash your hands.” Manipulation? Manipulation would tell my son that if he doesn’t wash his hands, his eyeball would get sick and fall out. What I told my son was an order that contained actual facts. But I cant order my peers around the same way I do my son. Therefore, the most appropriate way to try and get my way with someone is to negotiate or compromise.

Negotiate: obtain or bring about by discussion.

If you choose to manipulate while the other party is trying to negotiating, what the heck man?! Aren’t we reading this to be better people? c’mon! The point of this blog post is to awaken the truth behind manipulation. A lot of us do it without trying to be naughty not realizing that manipulation is naughty in itself. What’s wrong with being honest and telling someone exactly what we want? Why must we try to wiggle our way around to get it. You know what else wiggles? Snakes! LOL.

If you want your husband to clean the flippin bathroom, say: “Husband! Can you clean the bathroom?” Why do we have to say things like “Hunnyyyyyy.. the bathroom has been awfully smelly and I just cant bathe the baby in that tub. Ugh, I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.”

That sounds too specific huh? That’s me. I said that! I don’t do bathrooms. I have bathroom phobias. I keep everything in the house tidy every single day. Nothing is ever out of place when I put my head on my pillow every night. Bathroom? Mess! Not me. I don’t touch it.

I guess I started this post cuz I noticed I was manipulating my husband to clean the bathroom. I simply changed my ways. Repentance, if I may. Now, I just ask him to do it. His response is usually, “I’ll do it another day.”. Then 3 months go by and bathroom isn’t cleaned and I have to do it gagging all the way through.

I didn’t say negotiation means you get what you want. But that’s the sacrifice of trying to be honest. I’ll get over it. You’ll get over it.

 

 

 

Shadows And Perspective

Shadows equal evil.

Light equals good.

Right?

But we need both shadows and light to determine depth. To determine perspective.

It’s a shadow that lets us see an object; where it sits, it’s dimensions, it’s color. If there were no shadows, we couldn’t see a handmade vase because the light would overexpose it and our simple weak eyes couldn’t interpret its beauty

A baby has to feel irritated by hunger in order for her to start crying. How would a parent know she’s hungry if she didn’t cry? If there wasn’t irritation? Irritation being a shadow? As Christians, we are encouraged to rebuke irritation. But it’s the pain that keeps a baby alive. Otherwise, The baby wouldn’t cry and would therefore die.

FEAR keeps us from the path of a dangerous animal. SURVIVAL

PAIN reminds us not to make the same mistakes. LESSONS

SORROW Makes us more compassionate. HUMILITY

I just KNOW that there is so much I don’t know! This here reminds me of how human I am and how I am so destined to sin that my livelihood relies on what I normally ask God to rid of. Knowing this, my prayers are different. I don’t ask God to remove these things but that His will is done in my life. He knows what’s best for me.

Issa Rollercoaster

“How’s your spiritual life?”

A good friend asked me this question as I was driving and all I could say was “ISSA ROLLERCOASTER”

I responded:

“I hate how inconsistent my faith is. There are times when I’m super sensitive to God’s word and pretty much any verse I read moves me. Then, there are days when I dont wanna do it anymore. It’s too much pressure to be a certain way and I wonder why I can’t just be me. (Inconsistent, failure, angry, doubtful, annoyed) and be an acceptable Christian. I hate performing but I have no choice but to pretend cuz in the end, people have their negative opinions that if I just “behave” they wont talk.

and when I feel like that, I shut down. I don’t wanna do it anymore. Its all a performance. People act like they don’t fail and stand on the altar with a holier than thou mentality and I’m just over it.

I struggle with paranoia, anxiety, depression and some days, inadequacy. I wish I knew more people like me so we could get through together. But apparently, I’m in this all alone as long as we are all pretending.”

Let me take this time to elaborate:

  • When I look in the mirror, I don’t feel ashamed of my shortcomings. I just wish people could be more accepting so I could feel free to express how God helps me through it
  • My sins might not be one that shows on the outside. They are sins that I commit without anyone knowing. Like wanting to punch people in the face. You wouldnt know about it unless I punched you in the face.
  • I DO worry how I present myself to people because if anyone knew about my anxiety, theyd think I have no faith and that’s not true. I’m just human like everyone else and I don’t want people to stop coming to me because I’m struggling.

I’ve spent so much time on my blog THINKING I knew it all. As I continue to live my life and expierence different things, I realized that I only know from 1 perspective. Mine. I refuse to knock anyone down for speaking or writing their experiences. In fact, I thrive on listening to other people. I have such a huge interest on hearing testimonies and struggles and heartbreaks and failures. Not to judge but to learn and to be a compassionate friend. To say, “You know what? I get it.”. To be a friend I wish I had.

Everyone has their ups and downs. Heck, one day I’m blogging like cray, the next I wanna shut the whole thing down. So, yeah! My life IS a rollercoaster but guess what? People actually pay money to ride those things.

My life, my perspective, my business

Your life, your perspective, mind YOUR business.

But if you wanna share our lives, share our perspectives and not know it all, then let’s ride this rollercoaster together.

 

 

Stink, Stank, Stunk

“I don’t think you should overwhelm yourself though. I think you should pray, send positive vibes and well wishes. Do and deal with what you have control over, you’ll be fine. But don’t be “Stink, Stank, Stunk” ha ha.”

I told my cousin that I didn’t know the word Stank was the past tense of stink. I thought the word stank was slang and the past tense of stink was stunk. I’m still trying to figure it out…

…as I’m trying to figure out so many other things pertaining to my life. I’m learning that if i want to function on a daily basis as I should, I cant have too many things to think about. I cant have too many situations to analyze. I cant have too many decisions to make. I think my brain has the capacity of solving 1 life problem per day.  Any more than that, my brain begins to deflate like my 2 month old when she burps. Its not a loud bubbly burp. Its like releasing the air from a tire. Tsssssss.

When my mind is troubled, I hear someone say: “did you pray about it?’. Like, absolutely! But we forget that God gave us free will and the ability to make our own decisions especially in cases where both choices are not bad at all. Should I eat this apple, or this orange? Both are fruits, both are healthy, but I could only choose 1 within the next 5 minutes.

I have learned in moments like these to simply tell God I don’t know what to do and I have to make a move quickly. I tell Him to guide my steps and remove anything that could damage me. As I continue life with this same mindset, I realized that God still comes through.

You could say I’m wrong. That I shouldn’t make decisions if I don’t have time to pray. Fine, but the hospital is telling me to pull the plug on a family member or else that person would continue to suffer. How about responding to my child’s rebelliousness the moment he acts out or give myself time to breathe and think to handle the situation carefully.

Guys, you don’t know all of God’s capabilities. He’s way to wonderous to understand. Let God deal with everyone His own way. And let us step back.

 

 

Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.

Never Compare Yourself

I’m not the best at anything. Jack of some trades, master of none. But there is something about having passion in what you do that gives your work a little boost in comparison with others.

I love to write but my grammar stinks. Punctuation is my enemy. Spelling is like Satan’s plan against my life but spell check is the Blood of Jesus.

Imagine if i compared my writing with the smarty-est smarty pants of the writing world. Girl, I’ll quit right now. But MY perspective is the game changer. My style is like ice cream and Edgar Allen Poe’s style is like Filet mignon. BOTH FOODS ARE AWESOME depending on what you’re craving.

Keep the passion in what you do without comparing yourself to anyone else. You are the only you in this world.

Unless your passion is in math cuz girl, 2+2 will always be 4 and no matter how much passion you got, numbers don’t change. Sorry math ppl.

I can tell

I can tell when someone is pretending to be kind to me.

I can tell when someone is bragging about their success but disguises it with humility.

I can tell when someone is making an effort to prove that they’re better than me.

I can tell

So i let them speak

I play along

I act naive

Because the more they do it, the sillier they look and that’s amusing to me.