words

authkg

It’s a shut down

We ask God to mold us into His Image forgetting that His image is Jesus.

I asked, and prayed, and sang, and just constantly had in my mind that I wanted to be more like Him. I wanted to see with His eyes. I wanted to feel as He did. Little did I know that the process is THE most painful thing ever.

I stopped writing. I stopped trying to impress people with words. I stopped trying to impress people with ideas and pretty pictures. I stopped trying to impress people with MYSELF.

There is nothing about myself to take pride in except that God changed this sinner and saved her. It is then that my pride is focused on God.

I thank the Lord for making things so hard in my life. For allowing me to go through depression, pain, sickness, loss, desperation, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy and insecurity. Because without it, how in the world would I ever have compassion over a depressed friend? How could I ever understand truly what it is to want to die? There is no way to see this world in God’s perspective if my life has always been a success.

Authkg is my pen name. Yes, a name that I gave myself. I’ll keep it sure, I still need an easy username for the grams. But God has shown me way too much to keep trying to prove to the world that I exist.

The world doesn’t need to know me. The world needs to know Jesus. The one who saves me day after day from the darkness of this world.

When I have the time and energy, I will soon archive all my posts, give up my domain and walk the walk. It’s been nice having this blog. But now, it’s time to grow up.

authkg

The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

authkg

Hey Ppl

Good evening ladies and gentlemen,

It’s been months since my last post and I’m actually pleased about it. I’ve been too busy living to write. My notebook is empty, my google drive a lot cleaner and my mind… content. I have a new outlook in life and this view allows less desire for blogging.

It was a Sunday like today when I looked at my husband and said “Let’s move to Florida”. He always wanted to move but he patiently waited for me to give the okay. Well I gave the okay and man, I was scared.

4 months in and I don’t see myself ever looking back. Unless of course there is an emergency that I’d have to pack up and leave but other than that, Florida is home. Imagine if I let fear control me. I would have missed out on a lot.

I’m not pretending there wasn’t a struggle. There was struggle and we still see struggle today. It’s just that I’m so thankful for God guiding us and helping us through. For showing His sovereignty in the midst of turmoil.

I have great friends. Great co-workers. I’ve seen so much favor. I’ve witnessed miracles and wonders. More strength came upon me. More growth within me. More Joy in my heart. Sometimes you need to be further from comfort to see more clearly. To feel more often. To stop and absorb God’s goodness. To thrive.

There is purpose when I am and I’m just anxious to see what’s next.

When I look back to the days when I cried everyday. The days of hurt, abuse, betrayal, loneliness and desperation, I realize that there was purpose in it all. I needed the pain to grow. Without the pain, I couldn’t see the promising road ahead of me. I’ll never go back and redo those days. Those days to me are GOLD.

THANK YOU:

To my mistakes

To my accusers

To my enemies

To anyone who did me wrong.

Thanks to you, My feet are on solid ground.

This trophy is FOR YOU

Take it. 🏆

authkg

How many times

How many times have people tried to slow me down from progressing?

I have a passion but these voices want me to lose my blessing.

And how many times have I heard a verse against my passions?

It’s their attempt for me to move in their form or fashion.

I’m not them, you, her or him.

I’m me. So don’t try to change this woman within.

It’s MY thought process, MY Goals, MY interest His Soul.

So don’t come at me with words or heavy blows.

It’s MY character, MY confidence, MY artistic nature.

You want to change me well consult my Maker. 🙏🏽

authkg

Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.

authkg

Never Compare Yourself

I’m not the best at anything. Jack of some trades, master of none. But there is something about having passion in what you do that gives your work a little boost in comparison with others.

I love to write but my grammar stinks. Punctuation is my enemy. Spelling is like Satan’s plan against my life but spell check is the Blood of Jesus.

Imagine if i compared my writing with the smarty-est smarty pants of the writing world. Girl, I’ll quit right now. But MY perspective is the game changer. My style is like ice cream and Edgar Allen Poe’s style is like Filet mignon. BOTH FOODS ARE AWESOME depending on what you’re craving.

Keep the passion in what you do without comparing yourself to anyone else. You are the only you in this world.

Unless your passion is in math cuz girl, 2+2 will always be 4 and no matter how much passion you got, numbers don’t change. Sorry math ppl.

authkg

Re-evaluating my Dreams

You might assume that being a Christian gives you first dibs on God’s blessings. New house, new car, financial security etc. But the more I think about Christ and His life here on earth, the more I begin to realize that being a CHRIST-tian should be more than any material blessing. I often hear sermons about naming it and claiming it, sow this money seed and watch it grow into thousands, and tithing expecting some type of money return. I’m not denying God’s ability to provide even our deepest desires, I’m saying…it’s not something Jesus had or wanted while He was here on earth.

Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Matthew 8:20

Jesus’ heart did not desire anything for himself but for the world. He was so focused on the salvation of man that He never worried about the next meal or the next time He was going to rest His head on a comfortable bed. Thinking about it, Jesus found His disciples sleeping outside at some points

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. (Matthew 26:40)

Idk, sounded like they were used to snoozing outside lol.

It wasn’t Jesus’ desire to ask God for “things”. His prayers were filled with the concern for His people. For the world. I keep this in mind often. If i want to be Christlike, I have to re-evaluate my prayers. What are my hopes and dreams? How often to i concern myself with the salvation of my family, friends, ppl in the streets?

God’s will for Jesus was the death on The Cross. Jesus’ will for His disciples was to preach the gospel which resulted in persecution. What is God’s will for me? To be happy? To be Too blessed to be stressed? Rich and relaxed? Those things sound great but while I’m here on earth, should that be my ultimate desire?

This is episode idk of the Bus Chronicles because I’m too lazy to check which episode I’m in. I think number 3

authkg

I can tell

I can tell when someone is pretending to be kind to me.

I can tell when someone is bragging about their success but disguises it with humility.

I can tell when someone is making an effort to prove that they’re better than me.

I can tell

So i let them speak

I play along

I act naive

Because the more they do it, the sillier they look and that’s amusing to me.