I Didn’t Know Where To Look

Story submitted by Joselyn W.

Four years ago I was going through a really hard time in my life. I made a decision without thinking it through but thought it was for the best.

That decision landed me behind bars for almost a year.

I was lost, confused and just didn’t know where to look. I was not going to church like I used to and I felt like God just gave up on me. The day of my sentencing I was able to go home and I had 3 months to surrender. I remember getting in my car and just yelling, crying wondering why! I knew that I did this to myself and didn’t think about anybody. I didn’t want to live anymore. I wanted to just go to a bridge and just jump. Nobody knew or understood the demon that I was fighting within.

One night I started to drive with no destination in mind and the devil was really attacking my spirit. I started to drive to the nearest bridge, thinking it would be the best thing to do. As I get closer to the bridge my phone rings it was my best friend. She just wanted to talk and I held every tear that I needed to so I wouldn’t give it away. She knew that I was going thru an emotional rollercoaster but she never knew how bad the thoughts that were going thru my mind were. As she was talking to me she started to tell me that everybody makes mistakes and we all learn from them. She said more words but she never knew or understood how she saved my life that day. It was God!

As my sentencing got closer, I remember hugging my son and just crying letting him know that mommy will be gone for a little while but that I will be back and he will be able to see me soon. We cried, hugged and said our I love you!

The day that I surrendered, I remember asking God to protect me. As I walked in and sat down I was surrounded by 4 walls. As I did my time God spoke to my heart and all I felt was peace. He let me see that some decisions in my life were not perfect but he was going to help me get thru them. He allowed me to see that the relationship that I was in at the time was not for me, and I let it go once I got home.

We all make mistakes. Some may be larger than others, but no matter what God will always be by our side. There are times when we feel like He stopped listening to us or that He doesn’t care, but He does. He will never leave our side no matter the disappointments that we provide to Him, He will always be there. He may allow us to fall at times but He will be by our side to pick us up. Lord knows that without the strength that He provided to me I may not be here today. He allows you to see the toxic people in your life and is up to you to let them go and learn from them!

 

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3 Times the Devil Tried to Destroy Me and 3 Times He Failed.

Story submitted by Gabby V.

“The first time was when I was in my mother’s womb. She had a very bad pregnancy. The doctors said that when I come out, I was going to die instantly. One day, my mother went to church and my cousin wanted to go up for prayer. She asked my mother to go up with her so my mom went.

Instead of the preacher praying for my cousin, he prayed for my mother and my mother felt the presence of God healing me. While that was happening, no one could touch my mother until God was finished with her. I was born on February 19,1997 as the healthiest premature baby born 2 months early.

The second time, I GOT MY LICENSE! I was a 17-year-old teen with her license and a car! My sister was sitting in the passanger seat with me and my friend was sitting in the back. We wanted pizza! If you’re from Elizabeth, New Jersey you would know that route 1&9 is always packed. As a new driver, I didn’t want to wait in traffic so  I made a turn into a one-way street. When I realized where I was going, I hit a pole because there was a car heading my direction. It was because of God that I could get out of the wreck without a scratch, without hurting my sister or my friend and, without completely wrecking the car! God is good!

The third time, I ate spoiled chicken. Yes! I know, chicken! How? That’s my question EXACTLY! No one knew what I had at the time. I was lying in bed for 3 months vomiting and with diarrhea every single day. I was ordered to take some pills. I lost about 30 pounds because of this. I didn’t know what a good sleep was for 3 months because I had the chills in the middle of night… Every night. Doctors kept telling me I had the flu and that I had the stomach virus but no one could figure exactly what virus or infection I had. Salmonella is some very very very very bad bacteria. You could die from salmonella poisoning if you have for too long. I had the bacteria in my system for 3+ months. My aunt, my church, my parents and, my family all gathered around me and prayed. God healed me instantly! I received antibiotic shots and I was done. I never experienced something like that ever again.

God has a plan for each one of you that is reading this right now. Trust me, you would not be here if he didn’t have a plan. So, trust in Him.

The devil tried to destroy me and failed! He knows that God has me under His wing and nothing will happen unless God says otherwise!”

Divine isolation

I’ve been in a very long season of isolation. When I say isolation, I mean having no one to bounce my spiritual concerns off of. No one to give me fulfilling spiritual advice. Every prayer, struggle, concern and doubt has always been forwarded to God the Father alone. 

I have friends, yes. But for some odd reason, God pulls me back from them when it comes to my spirituality. Many times I’ve felt so alone and so misunderstood because God has not anointed anyone (other than my husband and Pastor) to guide me. There have been plenty of times that even going to my husband or my pastor has returned to me void. 

It’s not their fault at all and I’m starting to see the light now. God needs me to trust Him. I used to have a terrible habit of feeding off of people rather than the source of my spiritual meal. It’s been revealed to me that this isolation season is over and I’m blogging to tell you that it isn’t terrible to have your own encounter. When you feed off of your friends expierences or grab a spiritual snack from a relative, you always leave missing out on a full course meal. You think youre full, but you’re not super dooper button open belly out full. 

I’ve had a lot of questions, doubts and discouraging moments that have been completely satisfied when I directed them to Him. Give it a shot. Concerns + God – People = Revelation.  

Just a note: My answers were found in scripture every. Single. Time. 

Lam 3:24-30

3 Realms of the Prophetic

Sermon by Pastor Bernard Greene

3 Realms of the prophetic

1st: Realm of understanding

  • When God speaks directly without interpretation.
  • Forth telling
  • You couldn’t argue what God said.

2nd: Realm of consciousness

  • When prophecy speaks to the Mind, emotion and what’s hidden.
  • When prophecy reaches the “Soulish realm”. Intent and motives are also spoken to.

3rd: Realm of the Supernatural- The most potent

  • Foretelling: To God, prophecy is not considered “future” but truth.
  • Faith makes the future real to us NOW.
  • Supernatural prophecy is when God speaks to the impossible.

Prophecy- The word of the Lord translated to us.

How do you receive your prophetic word? Where does your seed fall?

  • Highlight: We don’t control the seed; we determine how the seed falls.
  1. On the wayside? Where the birds came and ate it?
  2. Shallow ground? Sprang up quickly and scorched due to lack of roots?
  3. Among thorns? Grew up and choked?
  4. Good ground? Where it produces a crop a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

Reference: Matthew 13

Sufficient 

You are the cure. 

Sickness moved so quickly.

Fiercely.

Sickness so powerful within me. 
You are the cure. 

You are faster 

with much more fury

and power. 

Sickness left no trace. 

Like it was never there to begin with. 
Your Grace, Mercy and Love is sufficient. 

Why do I write?

It’s a burning passion to get these thoughts on paper. If not, they’d be lost forever. 

How would I return to them? With time, the details fade away and I can’t afford such loss. With time, the story changes to what could have been or what was wished to be. 

Expierence should be quickly documented. Otherwise, it converts into a fable. We need to absorb authentic stories the faces tell and not a made up dream. Real life is just as eventful. Perhaps more. 

She believed she could so she did 

Leaps of faith are underrated. We need to make a bigger hype about them because those are the game changers. 
It all started in 2011, a man ministered to me and told me that my career was coming close. It meant a lot to me at that time because I pondered about it over and over in my head. I had already enlisted into the Army, preparing for boot camp and anticipating spending 52 weeks training for my MOS (35W) – Electronic Warfare Signal Intelligence. Might I add: I was super excited to get my butt out there but… I wasn’t going. 

Did I consult the Lord? No. If I had done so, I would not have wasted my time. God stopped me in my tracks. 

How?! 

After being sworn in, standing before the American flag giving my soul to the military, the Lord miraculously ended what I thought was going to be my future. 

I got pregnant.

 
So there I was. In church. Career-less with a small child. I couldn’t go to school and I was in and out of minimum wage jobs. I felt useless. But the Lord told me through a minister that he had prepared for me a career. I wasn’t anticipating it because I didn’t believe it.  
10/2011 I almost didn’t go to the interview. The job offer seemed sketchy. I was 3 minutes late for the interview and I wore a sweater dress. For some odd reason, I got the job. It was an entry level position at a medical billing company helping out with accounting. Within months I was promoted to a claims specialist. 
It was 06/2015, almost 4 years passed and I was ready for change. I wanted to expand my knowledge in the billing field so I took that leap of faith and accepted a job as a billing manager at a Chiropractic office. I learned the revenue cycle first hand which was great but
I hated it. 

Months passed and I found a job at Hoboken, NJ at another billing office. I learned a bit more about commercial insurance but,
I hated it. 

Then came my dream job. I was hired at an actual hospital working as a medical biller. It was tough but I LOVED IT. Unfortunately, it was only temporary. 

My last stop was at a billing office literally pushing paper. I finished my duties and resigned. 
2016 has been a serious rollercoaster as far as my career was concerned. I learned soooo much but I had to go through soooo much to get where I am now. 

Where am I? 

Back at my 2011 job. 
People kept questioning why my job status was always unstable. Listen, if you’re trying to get somewhere in life, you have to do some scary, ground shaking things. I took risks and I came out a pro. I’m at a point that I could run a billing business on my own. (Everything in its time). 

The Lord gave a command and the command came through for me. I am a gosh darn flipping awesome medical biller. I get doctors paid like that 👏🏽. I love what I do. 

Lord, thank you for the lessons. For giving me strength to endure uncertain times. Thanks for guiding me back to where I’m supposed to be. In Jesus name. AMEN! 

Afraid of what?

So many uncertainties and frequent human inconsistencies leave so much room for fear. Fear that perhaps our comfort gets torn out from under our feet. That in an instant, our lives go from a constant, subtle wave to a thunderous storm tossing us left and right resulting in our destruction. 

Have no fear, The Lord says that He is our stronghold. That throughout the storm, He is the lighthouse in the middle of the ocean that never moves; a strong tower that remains sustained. We run to It and are saved. 

I can’t deny being provoked by the storm to make drastic decisions coming from fear. What I can say is, moving according to fear leads to more uncertainty. 

Let’s put our emotions aside a move towards what scripture directs us to do. God is always right. We, on the other hand, are most likely wrong. 

@Authkg

Grace Wins

I remember like it was yesterday. Walking to the bathroom for the 4th time in one hour, not to use it but to cry. Never in my life have I ever felt so unworthy like I did at that moment. I was aware that I didn’t deserve God’s mercy. The pain was unbearable. So bad that it was difficult to exhale. Now, I understand that the pain was for a purpose. 

The only way to truly understand what Grace meant, I had to know how it felt to be in need of it. I needed God’s love and favor even though I didn’t deserve it. The best part of this was that God gave it to me. It was a gift. Underserved, unearned and with no conditions. God loved me and found favor in me despite my sins. He gave me victories to many battles and kept me from my enemies. He protected me from further shame and returned what the enemy stole from me (with interest). 

The most sorrowful moments of my life was when God was revealing His mysteries to me. These things don’t come on a silver platter, they come with tears of repentance and a humble heart. A soul aware of it’s unworthiness to stand before a Holy God. 

“There’s a war between guilt and grace and their fighting for a sacred space but I’m living proof, GRACE WINS EVERYTIME”. 

And so it did.  

Praise dance to Grace Wins by Matthew West
Grace Wins by Matthew West-Music video

Remembering Past = Faith for the Future

I love to see how far I’ve come in this Christian walk. I enjoy going back to old blogs remembering how I felt when I wrote them, remembering how some blogs were written out of spite or out of anger. I look back and remembered how I felt; as if I knew it all. No way am I going to knock myself down for it. Those feelings were genuine and just because it isn’t relevant now doesn’t mean that it’s not important. 

It’s sad how we sometimes feel the best solution to our mind battles is to pretend the past never existed. We drown in our guilt from past decision or past mistakes instead of embracing them just as Psalms 77:11 says. 

Is it hard to remember how the Lord delivered us from our errors? Is it difficult to review all the times the Lord blessed us despite of our foolishness. Is it hard to be honest with our mistakes and to not…pretend. I have to admit, these things can be difficult for some including myself. It’s hard for me to admit to MYSELF that I carry envy in my heart. An envy that I still ask God why its presence still exists in me. I’m learning today that God uses my struggle to remind me what He took me out of. To remind me that although people can do what I wish I can do or posses what I wish I had doesn’t mean that I am less than (<). It means that I am not meant to be anyone else. That God has blessed me in specific areas according to HIS will. Not mine. 

See, it’s not terrible to admit to your sin. It’s not terrible to hold onto a piece of your past. It isn’t the end of the word if you be just a little transparent. Being honest and looking back to the days of old shouldn’t bring you to a bad place rather, it should bring you to a new place. A place where you begin to see some change in your being. The way you walk, talk and act. 

No I won’t go back and delete previous blogs or delete previous statuses on my Facebook or remove old photos from my IG. I’m happy. If you don’t like me at my state of growing and learning, than you won’t like me now cuz guess what? 

I am still growing and learning.