authkg

Stink, Stank, Stunk

“I don’t think you should overwhelm yourself though. I think you should pray, send positive vibes and well wishes. Do and deal with what you have control over, you’ll be fine. But don’t be “Stink, Stank, Stunk” ha ha.”

I told my cousin that I didn’t know the word Stank was the past tense of stink. I thought the word stank was slang and the past tense of stink was stunk. I’m still trying to figure it out…

…as I’m trying to figure out so many other things pertaining to my life. I’m learning that if i want to function on a daily basis as I should, I cant have too many things to think about. I cant have too many situations to analyze. I cant have too many decisions to make. I think my brain has the capacity of solving 1 life problem per day.  Any more than that, my brain begins to deflate like my 2 month old when she burps. Its not a loud bubbly burp. Its like releasing the air from a tire. Tsssssss.

When my mind is troubled, I hear someone say: “did you pray about it?’. Like, absolutely! But we forget that God gave us free will and the ability to make our own decisions especially in cases where both choices are not bad at all. Should I eat this apple, or this orange? Both are fruits, both are healthy, but I could only choose 1 within the next 5 minutes.

I have learned in moments like these to simply tell God I don’t know what to do and I have to make a move quickly. I tell Him to guide my steps and remove anything that could damage me. As I continue life with this same mindset, I realized that God still comes through.

You could say I’m wrong. That I shouldn’t make decisions if I don’t have time to pray. Fine, but the hospital is telling me to pull the plug on a family member or else that person would continue to suffer. How about responding to my child’s rebelliousness the moment he acts out or give myself time to breathe and think to handle the situation carefully.

Guys, you don’t know all of God’s capabilities. He’s way to wonderous to understand. Let God deal with everyone His own way. And let us step back.

 

 

Advertisements
authkg

It’s a shut down

We ask God to mold us into His Image forgetting that His image is Jesus.

I asked, and prayed, and sang, and just constantly had in my mind that I wanted to be more like Him. I wanted to see with His eyes. I wanted to feel as He did. Little did I know that the process is THE most painful thing ever.

I stopped writing. I stopped trying to impress people with words. I stopped trying to impress people with ideas and pretty pictures. I stopped trying to impress people with MYSELF.

There is nothing about myself to take pride in except that God changed this sinner and saved her. It is then that my pride is focused on God.

I thank the Lord for making things so hard in my life. For allowing me to go through depression, pain, sickness, loss, desperation, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy and insecurity. Because without it, how in the world would I ever have compassion over a depressed friend? How could I ever understand truly what it is to want to die? There is no way to see this world in God’s perspective if my life has always been a success.

Authkg is my pen name. Yes, a name that I gave myself. I’ll keep it sure, I still need an easy username for the grams. But God has shown me way too much to keep trying to prove to the world that I exist.

The world doesn’t need to know me. The world needs to know Jesus. The one who saves me day after day from the darkness of this world.

When I have the time and energy, I will soon archive all my posts, give up my domain and walk the walk. It’s been nice having this blog. But now, it’s time to grow up.

authkg

The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

authkg

The person who never gives up

The person who never gives up knows that the answer is most likely no. Keyword: likely!

Meaning that there is a 99.99 percent chance of the answer being yes. Keyword: CHANCE!

The person who never gives up hears opposition. Like Ms. Almánzar would say, “I do what they say I can’t”

Meaning that opposition is the fuel to push you to that goal.

The person who never gives up always asks questions.

“What can I do to get a discount on these melons?”

“Um…ma’am? There are no discounts on Melons today”

“May I speak to your manager please?”

The person who never gives up has a picture in mind and would jump through all the hoops and climb up any wall to see it come to fruition.

They don’t settle, they don’t listen to opinions. THEY MOVE.

So you gotta get out the way.

authkg

Hey Ppl

Good evening ladies and gentlemen,

It’s been months since my last post and I’m actually pleased about it. I’ve been too busy living to write. My notebook is empty, my google drive a lot cleaner and my mind… content. I have a new outlook in life and this view allows less desire for blogging.

It was a Sunday like today when I looked at my husband and said “Let’s move to Florida”. He always wanted to move but he patiently waited for me to give the okay. Well I gave the okay and man, I was scared.

4 months in and I don’t see myself ever looking back. Unless of course there is an emergency that I’d have to pack up and leave but other than that, Florida is home. Imagine if I let fear control me. I would have missed out on a lot.

I’m not pretending there wasn’t a struggle. There was struggle and we still see struggle today. It’s just that I’m so thankful for God guiding us and helping us through. For showing His sovereignty in the midst of turmoil.

I have great friends. Great co-workers. I’ve seen so much favor. I’ve witnessed miracles and wonders. More strength came upon me. More growth within me. More Joy in my heart. Sometimes you need to be further from comfort to see more clearly. To feel more often. To stop and absorb God’s goodness. To thrive.

There is purpose when I am and I’m just anxious to see what’s next.

When I look back to the days when I cried everyday. The days of hurt, abuse, betrayal, loneliness and desperation, I realize that there was purpose in it all. I needed the pain to grow. Without the pain, I couldn’t see the promising road ahead of me. I’ll never go back and redo those days. Those days to me are GOLD.

THANK YOU:

To my mistakes

To my accusers

To my enemies

To anyone who did me wrong.

Thanks to you, My feet are on solid ground.

This trophy is FOR YOU

Take it. 🏆

authkg

How many times

How many times have people tried to slow me down from progressing?

I have a passion but these voices want me to lose my blessing.

And how many times have I heard a verse against my passions?

It’s their attempt for me to move in their form or fashion.

I’m not them, you, her or him.

I’m me. So don’t try to change this woman within.

It’s MY thought process, MY Goals, MY interest His Soul.

So don’t come at me with words or heavy blows.

It’s MY character, MY confidence, MY artistic nature.

You want to change me well consult my Maker. 🙏🏽

authkg

Forgiveness only convenient to you

Forgiveness is a everyday, every person kinda thing. You don’t get to choose when to forgive, who and why. You just do it all the time and for everyone.

Don’t be the person to push the topic of forgiveness for someone in particular when you judge the majority of others.

Don’t be the person that is quick to forgive yourself and stops at the idea of forgiving someone else

And

Don’t be the person to be so quick to forgive someone else and slow to forgive yourself.

Easier said than done but failing to comply can result in a Sovereign God calling you out on it all.

authkg

Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.