The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

Advertisements

Forgiveness only convenient to you

Forgiveness is a everyday, every person kinda thing. You don’t get to choose when to forgive, who and why. You just do it all the time and for everyone.

Don’t be the person to push the topic of forgiveness for someone in particular when you judge the majority of others.

Don’t be the person that is quick to forgive yourself and stops at the idea of forgiving someone else

And

Don’t be the person to be so quick to forgive someone else and slow to forgive yourself.

Easier said than done but failing to comply can result in a Sovereign God calling you out on it all.

Re-evaluating my Dreams

You might assume that being a Christian gives you first dibs on God’s blessings. New house, new car, financial security etc. But the more I think about Christ and His life here on earth, the more I begin to realize that being a CHRIST-tian should be more than any material blessing. I often hear sermons about naming it and claiming it, sow this money seed and watch it grow into thousands, and tithing expecting some type of money return. I’m not denying God’s ability to provide even our deepest desires, I’m saying…it’s not something Jesus had or wanted while He was here on earth.

Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Matthew 8:20

Jesus’ heart did not desire anything for himself but for the world. He was so focused on the salvation of man that He never worried about the next meal or the next time He was going to rest His head on a comfortable bed. Thinking about it, Jesus found His disciples sleeping outside at some points

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. (Matthew 26:40)

Idk, sounded like they were used to snoozing outside lol.

It wasn’t Jesus’ desire to ask God for “things”. His prayers were filled with the concern for His people. For the world. I keep this in mind often. If i want to be Christlike, I have to re-evaluate my prayers. What are my hopes and dreams? How often to i concern myself with the salvation of my family, friends, ppl in the streets?

God’s will for Jesus was the death on The Cross. Jesus’ will for His disciples was to preach the gospel which resulted in persecution. What is God’s will for me? To be happy? To be Too blessed to be stressed? Rich and relaxed? Those things sound great but while I’m here on earth, should that be my ultimate desire?

This is episode idk of the Bus Chronicles because I’m too lazy to check which episode I’m in. I think number 3

They look up to you, then down at you. Don’t fret.

Ever felt a whole lot of pressure because of someone’s high expectation of you? I know I have but one thing that settles my anxiety is knowing that as long as I do MY best, disappointing those who are watching me has no effect on my own view of myself.

We can’t take responsibility of how someone chooses to look up to you or look down at you. We all wake up and face a new day with a new attitude and a new outlook in life that effects the way we view others and how others view us. In this emotionally inconsistent world, we have to prepare to impress someone or let someone down. And not be too boastful or too ashamed.

Don’t fret over anyone’s view of you. Don’t beat yourself over the head when you’ve disappointed someone because in the end, you can’t please the world. You see how pleasing God first comes to play? I’m not saying you have to have it right all the time, I’m saying that on your day to day decisions, acknowledge God. For every action, take a moment and ask God for guidance. Do YOUR best, and God will handle the rest. Cliche i know. Lol

That is all for bus chronicles episode 1. Have a great day!

Secrets

When you lock up all your deepest secrets,

You will never accept love at its deepest.

When they show you love, how could you believe it?

Because if they knew your secret

They really wouldn’t love you or try to heal it.

The shame will surface and you’ll feel it.

So you keep your secrets a secret.

 

Don’t be scared to let it go

It’s your secret but God already knows.

Open up, let your secrets show.

Healing takes over and mercy flows.

Don’t be nervous just let it blow!

Your secrets to many, are like Gold!

And when someone loves, you feel it whole.

The shame is gone and your face glows.

Sin like scarlet, now you’re snow

when you let your secrets go.

True Convo

My Child! Let’s sit. I missed you so much

I need you to know that you’re loved a bunch.

I know that life has clouded the truth

So let’s start here! tell me, what bothers you?

 

I asked The All Knowing All Powerful and True

Don’t you already know where I’ve been and what I’ve been through?

 

He said of course I do my love, don’t be so confused.

I’d just love to hear from your point of view.

 

I said, I grew up fatherless and the pain stings til this day.

It distorts the truth of who You are, like you’re not here to stay.

He didn’t love me enough to raise me

He didn’t care enough to look for me

He wasn’t there to protect me

He wasn’t there to love me

They say You’re The Father of all who believe

A Father? So that must mean You too will leave.

 

He said, I’m sorry about the gap that put between us.

I want to restore you but you need to trust.

I’m not the son of man that I should lie.

Give me a chance my daughter, don’t pass me by.

 

I yelled, fine I give in! What then do I call you?

God? The Holy one? Master? To me, who are you?

 

He whispered; Call me Daddy to keep you from religious habits.

There is no easy way to do this or grasp it.

We need time, relationship and honesty.

At anytime, just know you can call on me.

In any place in any way, don’t worry my child.

I have all the patience in this world; I can wait a long while.

 

But don’t lose sight of me in the rain.

Then all you will ever see is your pain.

And Sunday school is not in session,

Because this is a flying lesson.

So Hold my hand, we will do this together

I am God. I’ll be with you forever.

A flying lesson? I said swiftly and excited.

That sounds too fun, is it okay to be delighted?

I mean, It seems You’re a bore the way they speak of you.

Don’t you punish and condemn like you’re known to do?

 

Punish and condemn? He questioned and smiled lightly.

Is that all they are saying about me?

Seems like my words are heavily mediated by my people.

You know, you have full access to my steeple?

 

NO! Because you are Holy and too far for me to reach.

Free access to you is not what they teach.

Don’t I have to be right with you to be considered?

Can you just fix me now like a wizard?

Your Holiness seems so cold and sterile.

Obvious to me, my life is in peril

 

He replied to me with so much love and Grace

Your heart I want. Your heart I chase.

Come to me as your are

Your idea of me is so far

I am Love, I am peace, I am your foundation

Believe in me child. I am your salvation.

 

 

Nothing More Than Feelings

We respond so hastily to our feelings. We may even pay more attention to our own feelings than the Written Word of God. There have been plenty of times when I felt God’s love for me was nonexistent, but I learned that those feelings were far from the truth. I listened to those lies over and over until scripture went through one ear and came out the other. Listening to our own feelings produces an invisible barrier around the heart that blocks the truth from entering. Ever felt like the pastor was preaching an encouraging, grace filled sermon that you felt didn’t apply to you? Those are feelings taking over preventing The Truth to come to life.

 
God has taught me through various trials that I had to pursue Him even in the hardest, busiest times of my life. When things are going smoothly, reading scripture is easy. Seeking God is no struggle. It’s when life takes over, when 24hrs isn’t enough to get things done, when everyday we’re in survival mode that we may stop making God priority without even knowing it. Making sure rent is paid is super important to all of us. Making sure there is food in the fridge for our children is vital. The enemy is keen to what matters to us the most and may choose to attack those areas to distract us. Yes, we pray and ask God for help but that 1 hour a day we used to seek His face sometimes turns to 10 minutes. Its human to respond to our feelings, to respond to an empty refrigerator, to a negative bank account, to loneliness, but it is spiritual to respond with urgency to the Holy Ghost.

 
Once we begin to push and bring ourselves out of the funk, we begin to see miracles. The struggle may not be over, but the anxiety disappears. We start to see the little love gestures God puts in front of us to show that He is in control… that He cares. There are many verses with stories of people who lost hope and God came through. Read them, and declare the restoration of your hope. Fight through the feelings, don’t give in! God has the last word.

 

Read about Sarah! Pregnant at old age???

Read about the woman with the issue of blood whos hope was restored

Moses also “felt” a certain way about himself

Eyes on the prize sister

Eyes on the prize sister,

What’s the reason why?

You look left and there she is

your enemy passing by.

She’s smiling and showing

all her great plans.

Eyes on the prize sister.

It’s a trap, grab my hand.

I’ll help you through it.

Wont beat you to it.

I’ll be by your side.

Helping you to the prize.

Eyes on the prize sister.

What glitters isn’t gold.

Listen to me my friend,

I’ll push you to the goal.

My prayers,

my compassion.

I love you within

Eyes on the prize sister.

When you win, I win.

 

 

Self-righteousness

We have this subtle and very sinful tendency

to look at what happens to someone else

and we think

we are not as bad of a sinner as they are

when the reality is,

we are all sinners at the core.

I urge you;

do not let the circumstances of others

make you think of yourself as righteous

for that self-righteousness in itself

is dreadfully sinful.

There is a difference between said faith and real faith

Said faith is just a transaction; you say your prayer of repentance and are assumed to be saved. It’s a sense of spirituality unconcerned with fellowship but concerned with individuality. There is no freedom, no passion, and sometimes said believers walk away from Christ as a whole because there hasn’t been a complete renewal of the mind.

I always thought I was saved when I first made that vocal transaction during the altar call. Afterwards, I didn’t sense a change in my heart. I was concerned with ensuring I was following the rules and regulations of the church to present myself as “holy” unto man. I didn’t understand what it meant to be Holy and no one explained to me that being Holy wasn’t possible by my own works. The day I decided to submit my life, my will and, my soul to the Lord, was the day I realized that the process of repentance wasn’t a same day procedure.

Repentance was like a dagger in my heart turning and turning with no mercy. The sadness was so crippling that every breath was so painful to take. God opened my eyes to my sin, made me aware of the people I have hurt and had me question my salvation as a whole. I knew where my soul was heading and I begged God to have mercy on me. Since I didn’t know about Grace at the time, I just assumed that my fate in Hell couldn’t be reversed. I begged God to make a way for me. I said “Lord, I know you’re all powerful and you could do anything you please. Could I ask that you make it so that I didn’t have to go to Hell? Could you bend the rules just this one time so that I could have a chance?”. After that day, the Lord began to show me Jesus. Not just the one I routinely sang about in church but the one that died and rose again…for me.

I heard of an older woman who attended church for the majority of her life saying that she wasn’t sure if she was going to Heaven or Hell. Jesus didn’t die on The Cross for us to question if His sacrifice worked or not. If you say that salvation is something you could lose then you may not have it at all to begin with. Teaching that you lose your salvation in just one sinful thought is saying that in one sinful thought, The Cross wasn’t enough. Yesterday, I was upset at how someone lied in my face and in that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me how I lied to my mom a few months ago. Was my lie strong enough to revoke what The Cross did for me? If that is so, my destination will be forever Hell starting right now. I do my best to live a life pleasing to God but man I mess up A LOT. If it was that easy to lose my salvation…I. Will. Never. Make. IT.

Be careful how you preach salvation. I will never endorse living a sinful life as real Salvation encourages one to live free from sin. If you can stand confidently and say that you’re going to heaven because YOU live holy and YOU are sanctified and because YOU pray, fast, meditate, preach and recycle….id be concerned. You are Holy because of the Blood. You are Holy because Jesus covered your sin so that it doesn’t shine scarlet red before a Holy God.