The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

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The person who never gives up

The person who never gives up knows that the answer is most likely no. Keyword: likely!

Meaning that there is a 99.99 percent chance of the answer being yes. Keyword: CHANCE!

The person who never gives up hears opposition. Like Ms. Almánzar would say, “I do what they say I can’t”

Meaning that opposition is the fuel to push you to that goal.

The person who never gives up always asks questions.

“What can I do to get a discount on these melons?”

“Um…ma’am? There are no discounts on Melons today”

“May I speak to your manager please?”

The person who never gives up has a picture in mind and would jump through all the hoops and climb up any wall to see it come to fruition.

They don’t settle, they don’t listen to opinions. THEY MOVE.

So you gotta get out the way.

Dear Livi

Dear Livi

If it seems as life isn’t on your side

And all you can do is sob

Put the enemy beneath your feet

Cuz you’re doing a great job

It seems like life isn’t in your favor

Your name may be subject to their chatter.

All great people are subject to critics

Cuz Livi, you matter!

Life SEEMS to be mean

Life SEEMS to be an enemy

But let’s look through another perspective

Because life was a friend to me

It gave me strength and purpose and will.

It was mean at times but it wasn’t until –

I surpassed all the trials that came to me.

Cuz Life opens your eyes to what you’re supposed to see.

True Convo

My Child! Let’s sit. I missed you so much

I need you to know that you’re loved a bunch.

I know that life has clouded the truth

So let’s start here! tell me, what bothers you?

 

I asked The All Knowing All Powerful and True

Don’t you already know where I’ve been and what I’ve been through?

 

He said of course I do my love, don’t be so confused.

I’d just love to hear from your point of view.

 

I said, I grew up fatherless and the pain stings til this day.

It distorts the truth of who You are, like you’re not here to stay.

He didn’t love me enough to raise me

He didn’t care enough to look for me

He wasn’t there to protect me

He wasn’t there to love me

They say You’re The Father of all who believe

A Father? So that must mean You too will leave.

 

He said, I’m sorry about the gap that put between us.

I want to restore you but you need to trust.

I’m not the son of man that I should lie.

Give me a chance my daughter, don’t pass me by.

 

I yelled, fine I give in! What then do I call you?

God? The Holy one? Master? To me, who are you?

 

He whispered; Call me Daddy to keep you from religious habits.

There is no easy way to do this or grasp it.

We need time, relationship and honesty.

At anytime, just know you can call on me.

In any place in any way, don’t worry my child.

I have all the patience in this world; I can wait a long while.

 

But don’t lose sight of me in the rain.

Then all you will ever see is your pain.

And Sunday school is not in session,

Because this is a flying lesson.

So Hold my hand, we will do this together

I am God. I’ll be with you forever.

A flying lesson? I said swiftly and excited.

That sounds too fun, is it okay to be delighted?

I mean, It seems You’re a bore the way they speak of you.

Don’t you punish and condemn like you’re known to do?

 

Punish and condemn? He questioned and smiled lightly.

Is that all they are saying about me?

Seems like my words are heavily mediated by my people.

You know, you have full access to my steeple?

 

NO! Because you are Holy and too far for me to reach.

Free access to you is not what they teach.

Don’t I have to be right with you to be considered?

Can you just fix me now like a wizard?

Your Holiness seems so cold and sterile.

Obvious to me, my life is in peril

 

He replied to me with so much love and Grace

Your heart I want. Your heart I chase.

Come to me as your are

Your idea of me is so far

I am Love, I am peace, I am your foundation

Believe in me child. I am your salvation.

 

 

Nothing More Than Feelings

We respond so hastily to our feelings. We may even pay more attention to our own feelings than the Written Word of God. There have been plenty of times when I felt God’s love for me was nonexistent, but I learned that those feelings were far from the truth. I listened to those lies over and over until scripture went through one ear and came out the other. Listening to our own feelings produces an invisible barrier around the heart that blocks the truth from entering. Ever felt like the pastor was preaching an encouraging, grace filled sermon that you felt didn’t apply to you? Those are feelings taking over preventing The Truth to come to life.

 
God has taught me through various trials that I had to pursue Him even in the hardest, busiest times of my life. When things are going smoothly, reading scripture is easy. Seeking God is no struggle. It’s when life takes over, when 24hrs isn’t enough to get things done, when everyday we’re in survival mode that we may stop making God priority without even knowing it. Making sure rent is paid is super important to all of us. Making sure there is food in the fridge for our children is vital. The enemy is keen to what matters to us the most and may choose to attack those areas to distract us. Yes, we pray and ask God for help but that 1 hour a day we used to seek His face sometimes turns to 10 minutes. Its human to respond to our feelings, to respond to an empty refrigerator, to a negative bank account, to loneliness, but it is spiritual to respond with urgency to the Holy Ghost.

 
Once we begin to push and bring ourselves out of the funk, we begin to see miracles. The struggle may not be over, but the anxiety disappears. We start to see the little love gestures God puts in front of us to show that He is in control… that He cares. There are many verses with stories of people who lost hope and God came through. Read them, and declare the restoration of your hope. Fight through the feelings, don’t give in! God has the last word.

 

Read about Sarah! Pregnant at old age???

Read about the woman with the issue of blood whos hope was restored

Moses also “felt” a certain way about himself

Life is short

Make peace with your enemies.

Make peace with yourself.

Tell people you love them

And show them.

Take joy in what you have.

Quit seeking for more

Stop and smell the flower.

Take note of the small gestures.

Be compassionate and

Stop trying to know it all.

Life is short and so is this blog.

Don't waste anymore time, just spread the Love. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. Share them!

Experience: I thought I knew

These past few months have kept my eyebrows in the raised position for many reasons. I wish I could get into detail but unfortunately I have yet to find the words to explain exactly how I’ve been feeling. Lately, I’ve been asking myself the same question. “You think you know huh? You think you know?”
My answer?

“Ha! Not anymore.”

I have been through plenty of…things in this Christian walk to be able to say confidently that I have some meaningful testimonies. I’ve seen God work in my life firsthand and I share my experiences with others hoping they would grasp an idea of how God functions.

How God functions?!

YHVH is NOT a toy that when you flip the “on” switch, He lights up and sings a tune. He’s not a computer that when you press the “backspace” key, you can delete a letter or a sentence. God is not a television that when you click guide, you can view upcoming episodes. Let me try to explain.

I spoke of God as if I spoke of a “thing” that responds based on my action. If I prayed an hour, my sadness would cease. Yes, He has delivered me that same way but I shouldn’t assume that to be the ONLY way.

Once, I had to make some quick decisions and I fasted for a week. God responded by telling me what my next steps should be. I shouldn’t assume that fasting is the ONLY way to find help in regards to my decisions for my future.

If you give generously, God would bless your finances right? How can I tell someone else to do the same if they have nothing to give?  I portrayed God as some kind of genie.  You rub a lamp and He responds by granting 3 wishes. That he is not.

Why do I sound unsettling? I am. When I pressed the “on” button in my life, sometimes God’s volume went up. I would press the guide button and God would go to channel 5. I would lower the volume and God would play a movie.

I have to admit, there were times I did nothing for the Kingdom, and God responded with blessings as if I’ve done tons of Christian things. God, I understand.

You are not a God of MY personal experience. You don’t maneuver in someone else’s life based on how you moved in mine. I shouldn’t guide someone in their struggle based on how I was guided through my own. Everyone is different and everyone absorbs the matters of God in unlike ways. My job isn’t to determine the best solutions to one’s storm. My job is to express God’s goodness in mine. Not based on what I did but based on what HE did.

God’s ways are not ours. The more we think we know, the less we actually know. Therefore, at times, my response will be, “I don’t know.”

And that’s okay

Now, if I were you…

The damage is done and it’s hard to wish greatness in your enemy’s life. Their failure, pleasing.

Who are you kidding? Telling yourself that your thoughts are wrong doesn’t remove its lovely feeling.

You can repent & you can pray and ask God to take it away but we all know the truth.

Their downfall is what you wanted.

Their sorrow is what you scoffed at.

Their desperation, comforting.

You can be honest all you want and say “I don’t want to think that way.”

That doesn’t erase the fact that you thought it in the first place.

Don’t you get it, you’re human.

Understand that it was The Cross that blocks the “comes around” that should result because of that attitude.

If I were you, I’d praise Him.

God kept me

I could have lost my way in so many situations. I’m saying, I could have called it quits to the whole Christian thing. I mean, every possible thing that could go wrong, went terribly wrong. 

Something kept me. Of course I was convinced it was supernatural because what was happening was way beyond my control. If I had any plan to solve something, it would have been spiteful. My personal plans to deal with my pain was to take severe action. I’m talking about fists flying just about every single day. Never have I felt so hostile before but something kept me. 

I understood that as a human being full of sin, I would never know the solution to my crises. I recognized my place in the eyes of a Holy God that I had to step back. “Lord, I’m letting you take complete control.”

There were days that BAM! An atomic bomb exploded making my life worse but I chose to not even lift a finger. I just prayed. 

I always asked God to change me. Life wasn’t in my favor so I had to ask God to change my attitude to conform to the storm in my life. Lord, teach me how to love thunder, to love rain. Teach me to embrace the high winds, the floods. Teach me. Teach me. Teach me. 

Yes. I used my storm. I used the water from the clouds to nourish the flowers that are blooming today. God knew how to handle my enemies better than I ever could have.

 He kept me. God kept me, so I wouldn’t let go. 

Without lifting a finger, vindication was activated in my life. 

Let God. 2 words with enough power to change a life. 

Or

Fight alone. 2 words that can destroy you. 

Choose God. 

Get rid of the source of your struggles

Situation:

-Fruit flies, fruit flies everywhere. Where are they coming from?

-There is a source to this madness. I must find the source!

-I’m going to thoroughly clean every room in the house to see if I find that source.

*cleans all rooms

*dust, sweeps, mops

-Can’t find source, flies still roaming my house

*Moves furniture around, sweeps, mops… Nothing!

*Finished cleaning, prepares lunch

* Needs to use toaster oven but metal tray is on top, need to remove metal tray (Toaster oven located on top of kitchen stand overhead)

*Touches something squishy

*removes hand quickly in fear because the imagination immediately fabricated an image of a severed hand.

*Looks above tray and finds swarms of flies.

*Looks at nearest window.

* Opens the window and looks out assuring no one is in the backyard.

*Grabs tray and tosses it out the window!

What was it? What gave these fruit flies the idea that they could live in my house rent free? (Def not a severed hand LOL)

Every circumstance I go through must somehow connect with scripture. Everything happens for a reason and I won’t let this fruit fly fiasco happen I vain.

“There is a source that is feeding these flies. I have to find it and get rid of it.”

We must understand that there is a source to our struggle that we fail to conquer every day. For example, if the lack of prayer is your struggle, the source may be Netflix. If weight gain is your struggle, the source may be your chocolate stash. Maybe the chocolate stash is just the surface of the source and there is something a lot deeper than that. Perhaps its depression. I find prayer to be very important to overcome our daily struggles. In prayer, we speak to the Lord and let our frustrations out. We ask God to reveal in us what needs to be revealed and help us get through them. Days may pass that the source of our struggle is still a mystery but in the meantime, we should start off by cleaning each room. The next day, we can dust and sweep. We can mop with the floor cleaner called scripture. The more you make the effort to change, the closer you are to revelation. Usually, God will show you when you least expect it.

Don’t let your struggles consume you. There is no change without effort. If I allowed my home to pile up with trash, the flies would have found multiple sources and it would have been more difficult to get rid of. As soon as I found the rotten bananas hiding in the metal tray, I made the decision to toss the bananas with the tray out the window immediately. I didn’t take 5 minutes to think about it. I didn’t examine the bananas to see why they attracted the flies. In fact, I didn’t know it was a bunch of bananas until I looked out the window after I threw it. My husband asked why I didn’t place it in a bag and carried it outside. I said “you have no idea how it went down”. The longer I handled the bananas in the house, the more the flies scattered. THAT TRAY NEEDED TO GO O.U.T!

I still see a few flies here and there but I know that eventually, they’ll die. There is no area in my home that they can live and thrive. I decontaminated my house before I found the source so I was ahead of their game. Right now, I have a few dishes in the sink and I see some hovering over it. Although we found the source of our struggles, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t upkeep our spiritual life afterwards.

Fruit flies need food. Starve them.