The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️

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Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.

Never Compare Yourself

I’m not the best at anything. Jack of some trades, master of none. But there is something about having passion in what you do that gives your work a little boost in comparison with others.

I love to write but my grammar stinks. Punctuation is my enemy. Spelling is like Satan’s plan against my life but spell check is the Blood of Jesus.

Imagine if i compared my writing with the smarty-est smarty pants of the writing world. Girl, I’ll quit right now. But MY perspective is the game changer. My style is like ice cream and Edgar Allen Poe’s style is like Filet mignon. BOTH FOODS ARE AWESOME depending on what you’re craving.

Keep the passion in what you do without comparing yourself to anyone else. You are the only you in this world.

Unless your passion is in math cuz girl, 2+2 will always be 4 and no matter how much passion you got, numbers don’t change. Sorry math ppl.

Dear Livi

Dear Livi

If it seems as life isn’t on your side

And all you can do is sob

Put the enemy beneath your feet

Cuz you’re doing a great job

It seems like life isn’t in your favor

Your name may be subject to their chatter.

All great people are subject to critics

Cuz Livi, you matter!

Life SEEMS to be mean

Life SEEMS to be an enemy

But let’s look through another perspective

Because life was a friend to me

It gave me strength and purpose and will.

It was mean at times but it wasn’t until –

I surpassed all the trials that came to me.

Cuz Life opens your eyes to what you’re supposed to see.

IT. You know, the clown?

Im not a big scary movie fan. I refuse to watch anything demonic for obvious reasons so when I saw that IT was available to watch, I was like, oh good, a normal, scary, not demonic movie.

What was that for? I couldn’t sleep allll night cuz the dang movie was creepy. The clown shows up in public places where you think it’s safe and i wasn’t having that. The moral of the story was poppin tho. If you stick together and face your fears, you can beat the clown. If you haven’t watched the movie, this may be a spoil alert. This ugly clown had power against the children only if they were scared of him. Every time they faced their fears, he had absolutely no power.

I laugh at myself cuz i always have to find something good in everything i watch. I don’t recommend watching the movie because you might lose sleep like i did but if you must must watch it, take this message with you.

1. Face your fears

2. You can’t do it alone. A good friend will help and support you.

3. Don’t go after red balloons

4. DO NOT GIVE IN

This is episode 2 of my Bus Chronicles. Have an awesome day!

Currently, we are pending news about a bomb that went off in Times Square which is effecting Jersey City’s NJ transit commute (the bus I’m in). Praying nothing serious comes out of all of this.

They look up to you, then down at you. Don’t fret.

Ever felt a whole lot of pressure because of someone’s high expectation of you? I know I have but one thing that settles my anxiety is knowing that as long as I do MY best, disappointing those who are watching me has no effect on my own view of myself.

We can’t take responsibility of how someone chooses to look up to you or look down at you. We all wake up and face a new day with a new attitude and a new outlook in life that effects the way we view others and how others view us. In this emotionally inconsistent world, we have to prepare to impress someone or let someone down. And not be too boastful or too ashamed.

Don’t fret over anyone’s view of you. Don’t beat yourself over the head when you’ve disappointed someone because in the end, you can’t please the world. You see how pleasing God first comes to play? I’m not saying you have to have it right all the time, I’m saying that on your day to day decisions, acknowledge God. For every action, take a moment and ask God for guidance. Do YOUR best, and God will handle the rest. Cliche i know. Lol

That is all for bus chronicles episode 1. Have a great day!

Secrets

When you lock up all your deepest secrets,

You will never accept love at its deepest.

When they show you love, how could you believe it?

Because if they knew your secret

They really wouldn’t love you or try to heal it.

The shame will surface and you’ll feel it.

So you keep your secrets a secret.

 

Don’t be scared to let it go

It’s your secret but God already knows.

Open up, let your secrets show.

Healing takes over and mercy flows.

Don’t be nervous just let it blow!

Your secrets to many, are like Gold!

And when someone loves, you feel it whole.

The shame is gone and your face glows.

Sin like scarlet, now you’re snow

when you let your secrets go.