Learning to Spot Manipulators

The more I try to learn on the topic of manipulation, the more sad I become. I’m almost done listening to a book called “Manipulation. Learning to Spot Manipulative People – Improve Emotional Intelligence Against Persuasion Tactics” by Jeff Tierney. The Author covers many topics including the tactics used by savvy manipulators. What makes me sad is that I’m realizing how many times per day someone attempts to manipulate me. Whats more sad is that these people don’t even know they are doing it.

Are we so prone to get our way that we don’t realize we are being shady to the people that we love? If I’m going to learn something reading this book, I’m choosing to learn on finding way NOT to manipulate people. I find it more stressing to spend my days trying to spot said persuasion tactics. Instead, I plan on working on not being that person. I want to catch myself before I try manipulating someone. I want to find ways to express my ideas/needs/wants without trying to convince someone using their weakness to get it.

I’m noticing that taking this route often leads the other direction. I don’t get what I want and find myself catering to someone else’s desires. In the moment it stinks because you kinda want to go back to your manipulating ways but later I notice that God comes through for me. I get what I initially wanted in one form or another.

I trying to keep myself from having ulterior motives. I’m not 100% good at it but my goal is to keep trying. To keep working on treating people how I want to be treated.

The next book on my queue is: Tactical Influence: A Practical Approach to Increase Your Influence and Leadership Skills.

Space and Time

We cant use an earthly scale to measure God. In fact, He simply cannot be measured. Otherwise, we would need an item bigger than He is. We would need a ruler bigger than Him to get a number like 5 ft 5 in. Yet, He can be small enough to create a grain of sand. Small enough to heal hearts and minds, to cure sickness in the tiniest artery. But, big enough to create the sun and suns greater than the one we see in our horizon. Then, small enough to feed the birds in the air and fill the fields with flowers.

I look into the sky and see endless amounts of stars. I suddenly feel like the galaxy is a lot bigger than God. I measured God by the amount of love He has for me. And I’m just a drop of water in all the waters in the world. I compared His love for me to the sky with no end that He created with His own hands. How could a being that created thousands of galaxies find the time or fit in the space that I’m in.

Then it came to me. God is not subject to time or space. Time and space are subject to Him.

Don’t Manipulate. Try to Negotiate.

I don’t care if you’re religious, spiritual, regular, basic, gender fluid, illegal alien, intragalactic/intergalactic alien or Alien Gonzalez. No one is ever pleased to find out they’ve been manipulated. It’s like trickery or betrayal. I once learned that manipulation is a form of witchcraft. Try not to image someone behind a cauldron chanting Latin phrases, dumping frog toes while stirring slowly in pursuit of controlling you. I’m talking regular people like you and I tricking someone to move in OUR direction. Doesn’t seem much like witchcraft but if you know your victims weak spot enough to use it against them…I’d compare that to stirring the pot, don’t you think?

All types of manipulation is evil. The act involves using tricks, lots of lying and careful deceiving. Wait! I just thought about how I manipulate my son to wash his hands after using the bathroom. “Nate, if you don’t want another eye infection, you have to wash your hands.” Manipulation? Manipulation would tell my son that if he doesn’t wash his hands, his eyeball would get sick and fall out. What I told my son was an order that contained actual facts. But I cant order my peers around the same way I do my son. Therefore, the most appropriate way to try and get my way with someone is to negotiate or compromise.

Negotiate: obtain or bring about by discussion.

If you choose to manipulate while the other party is trying to negotiating, what the heck man?! Aren’t we reading this to be better people? c’mon! The point of this blog post is to awaken the truth behind manipulation. A lot of us do it without trying to be naughty not realizing that manipulation is naughty in itself. What’s wrong with being honest and telling someone exactly what we want? Why must we try to wiggle our way around to get it. You know what else wiggles? Snakes! LOL.

If you want your husband to clean the flippin bathroom, say: “Husband! Can you clean the bathroom?” Why do we have to say things like “Hunnyyyyyy.. the bathroom has been awfully smelly and I just cant bathe the baby in that tub. Ugh, I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.”

That sounds too specific huh? That’s me. I said that! I don’t do bathrooms. I have bathroom phobias. I keep everything in the house tidy every single day. Nothing is ever out of place when I put my head on my pillow every night. Bathroom? Mess! Not me. I don’t touch it.

I guess I started this post cuz I noticed I was manipulating my husband to clean the bathroom. I simply changed my ways. Repentance, if I may. Now, I just ask him to do it. His response is usually, “I’ll do it another day.”. Then 3 months go by and bathroom isn’t cleaned and I have to do it gagging all the way through.

I didn’t say negotiation means you get what you want. But that’s the sacrifice of trying to be honest. I’ll get over it. You’ll get over it.

 

 

 

The Konmarie Method is EVERYTHING

I may have a hint of OCD guys. I HATE MESS with all my heart and soul. YES, I drive my husband and kids crazy but guess what? Being neat and tidy is the secret to saving  money, keeping clothes in tip top shape and keeps general order in the house.

Before reading Tiding Up with Marie Kondo, I did pretty well keeping things in order but I wanted to see what Marie had to say. I wanted that professional touch.

Kenia’s method: Keeping clothes in order by category and neatly folding them flat. also, removing clothes not warn in 1 year or that do not fit.

Konmarie method: Keep clothes by category but fold upright and in thirds. Remove clothes that do not spark joy.

It took me 2 hours to go through 5 people’s drawers and now everything is upright and folded in thirds. This method lets me see all my clothes when I open my drawer. I think that’s the best part of Konmarie method.

Taking care of your clothes saves money and time. Money: because you see everything you have so there is no need to go a buy more and more clothing. Time: because when its time to dress my kids, there is no wondering if something fits or if something is clean. This has been true since 2014 (When my tiny OCD surfaced).

In general, every item in my home is accounted for. The best thing I did was to take inventory of household cleaners, personal care items, food and etc. I try to stick to purchasing the same brands on every item to ensure I’m purchasing at the best prices. For example, I should never pay more than $4 on Tresseme Shampoo. $3.50 is a great sale and when the circulars come in, there is always a 5 off dollar coupon on 2 Tresseme products (Shampoo & Conditioner). Inventory also helps in knowing what is missing so when I’m passing the supermarket, I could go ahead and buy it. We never suddenly run out of toilet paper or bars of soap with this method.

There is a negative side to this. The kids cant keep up. I understand they are children but I take the time to sit and explain where everything goes and practice folding and tyding. Their room is never impeccable but never looks like a jungle. Everything is orderly enough that I could clean it up in 5 minutes.

The point of this post is to encourage tidying. But also read the book to help you with whats keeping your home messy. Once you find the root cause, things get tidier and tidier <3.

 

 

It’s a CONSPIRACY

I told my husband that I needed a deodorant that I didn’t need to scrub too hard to get it off my armpits when I shower. The conspiracy is this: My timeline is FULL of flippin deodorants now. Fine! Facebook ads. You got me. You tricked me. You brought me to the deodorant isle at Walmart. Which should I purchase?

The desired deodorant I saw on Facebook was $12. What a disappointment! Theres no way imma spend 12 bucks on deodorant that doesn’t make my armpits glow like the Queen that I am.

Then I saw a decent looking one. It’s called DesoderanTAY. (Nope. Can’t remember what it’s called.) So I bought it, used it, smells great, cleans off easily.

Does it work? No.

Disappointed that this post had no purpose?

Now you know how I felt about DesoderanTAY.

See the Small Things

Is it hard to believe that someone would just GIVE you something of much value? A car? Home? I would have never believed if someone told me this happened to them.

During my pregnancy, I suffered terrible loss. My morning sickness debilitated me to the point where I lost my job. I wasn’t making my quota anymore. I couldn’t. I lost my dream apartment and had to give up one of our cars. I could still feel the pain from that time. I felt worthless, small and ashamed I had lost so much. My trial could fill a big book but today, I have to speak of 2 things. A car and a home.

My husbands job is now requiring him to travel. We needed another car. We didn’t stress it. We left it in God’s hands. Suddenly, God provided in a miraculous way. A car, for us, for free!

November 1st my husband and I begin a new adventure. We move into OUR home. A while ago, our friend from church said he was going to work on finding us a mobile home for us to own. We didn’t hold him to his word because we get it, sometimes life gets in the way. But our friend recently came through. For those who don’t live in the south, mobile homes are very popular and can be bigger than apartments up north. This one is 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms. Our friend completely renovated the home and offered us a deal so great we had to question if he was even making a profit. His motivation was obedience to what God told him to do for us. With that alone, he was content.

I still had to make sure this was all God’s doing because we’ve been burned so much by making moves without God’s hand in the midst. I walk around the unit and found a study Bible that belonged to the prior owner (the only owner) of the home. Unfortunately, the woman passed away and left the study Bible behind amongst all her other belongings. I asked our friend if I could have it. He said yes.

Only the Lord knew how badly I wanted a study Bible. And he once again provided that for me. He also thought about me so thoroughly that He gave me one that once belonged to a strong believer. The previous owner left notes everywhere and Highlighted everything. The study Bible is USED and shows so much character. God thought about me in this. The Bible has history. I inherited this treasure.

I want to name the previous owner Sarah. She lived simply and worshiped Jesus with everything she had until her transition to be with the Lord. Here is note number 1 found in the first few blank pages.

Milk- Gospel. Salvation and Cross.

Meat- is doing of the gospel.

1 Corinthians 3:1-3

I want to eat the solid food or the meat Paul speaks of in that verse. I want to walk the walk. I want people to know freedom in Christ as I do. The LOVE of God can warm even the coldest heart.

I’m being very honest. There’s no reason to lie here on my blog. The car and home is nice but the details God put into giving me that study Bible speaks to me louder than anything in this world. I’ve lost so many material things that I am numb to not having them. I content with having just the essentials. He ensured His sovereignty over this move on November 1st by listening deep into my heart for my deepest desire and providing it. He proved His love in the tiny details in this bible. He spoke volumes in the small things.

…or you’ll be tempted too

I read a verse that hit me this morning. I had to read the verse and the context a few times to realize how scripture was happening in my face and I didn’t even know it.

I remember confiding in church leadership of my habitual sin that caught up to me. Sin that didn’t let me be at peace with myself because I was so guilty. I was hoping for restoration but instead, I was beat up by the law.

In this particular scripture, Paul says that through the Spirit, leaders/ mentors/ Pastors or anyone in the position to care for people, should handle such a situation in meekness and not with a holier than thou attitude. The scripture tells said leaders to be careful that the matter is handled Scripturally. Why?

“Lest you also be tempted”

If we choose to respond to our brother’s sin without being kind and gentle, we open the door for Satan to attack us in the same manner as he did the failing brother.

After reading this, I had a flashback and remembered everyone who judged me terribly. I’d like to say it was about 4 people who went over the top to really hurt me. 4/4 of those people fell or are in the same sin I sought help for. Thats 100%. Thats scripture happening before my eyes.

Gal 6:1  Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted

Stink, Stank, Stunk

“I don’t think you should overwhelm yourself though. I think you should pray, send positive vibes and well wishes. Do and deal with what you have control over, you’ll be fine. But don’t be “Stink, Stank, Stunk” ha ha.”

I told my cousin that I didn’t know the word Stank was the past tense of stink. I thought the word stank was slang and the past tense of stink was stunk. I’m still trying to figure it out…

…as I’m trying to figure out so many other things pertaining to my life. I’m learning that if i want to function on a daily basis as I should, I cant have too many things to think about. I cant have too many situations to analyze. I cant have too many decisions to make. I think my brain has the capacity of solving 1 life problem per day.  Any more than that, my brain begins to deflate like my 2 month old when she burps. Its not a loud bubbly burp. Its like releasing the air from a tire. Tsssssss.

When my mind is troubled, I hear someone say: “did you pray about it?’. Like, absolutely! But we forget that God gave us free will and the ability to make our own decisions especially in cases where both choices are not bad at all. Should I eat this apple, or this orange? Both are fruits, both are healthy, but I could only choose 1 within the next 5 minutes.

I have learned in moments like these to simply tell God I don’t know what to do and I have to make a move quickly. I tell Him to guide my steps and remove anything that could damage me. As I continue life with this same mindset, I realized that God still comes through.

You could say I’m wrong. That I shouldn’t make decisions if I don’t have time to pray. Fine, but the hospital is telling me to pull the plug on a family member or else that person would continue to suffer. How about responding to my child’s rebelliousness the moment he acts out or give myself time to breathe and think to handle the situation carefully.

Guys, you don’t know all of God’s capabilities. He’s way to wonderous to understand. Let God deal with everyone His own way. And let us step back.

 

 

The result of going through some STUFF

I had a silly dream last night. I was at a high school lunchroom with a bunch of people from my past. In the table across from me, there was a group of girls who first stated that I was pretty. Then, the one girl proceeded to say something snarky about something that I did wrong.

This girl got the short end of the stick with me at that moment. My fuse is quite long but was burned almost near the dynamite and once the sarcastic vibe came out this girl’s being, the fuse had reached it’s end.

BOOM!

I stood before the group of girls at the table and looked directly at Ms. Snooty.

“Listen! I don’t know what’s your problem and I don’t care. I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”

I didn’t care if the other girls jumped in. I was so fed up with the comments and the gossip that I flipped out.

The girl was too scared to move because my reaction was unexpected and serious.

I analyzed the dream once I woke up and realized that I was genuinely tired.

I’m tired of drama.

Of people

Of gossip

Of injustice

Of nonsense.

I see my friends being persecuted and I legit want to step in on their behalf with the same attitude in my dream to defend them.

I see people maliciously attacking my loved ones with words and subliminal messages because of envy and I want to give these people a piece of MY FIST IN THEIR JAW.

But I can’t. They’re not my battles.

You’d think people are persecuting me but out of the 28 short years of my life, no one has ever had the nerve to say things to my face. After analyzing this thing, I learned that it’s probably because I’ve been through some stuff proving that — I’m not scared of anyone.

😒 I’ve been shamed in the worst ways possible and endured- you think I care about someone trying to use shame against me today?

😒 I had groups of people speak poorly of me at once- you think silly little mouth movements hurt me?

😒 I have been heavily mistreated by people that I loved- you think the mistreatment from someone I barely even know discourages me?

When a person has been through some…stuff, it’s hard to break them. The scars & callouses only toughen the heart. Be carful who you try to hurt. That person Who’s been through some STUFF will not back down without a fight.

I understand this post seems to promote confrontation and discord but I have to be real. Before you decide to hurt someone, be careful it isn’t someone who’s already been through some battles and isn’t quick to back down but is ready to stand their ground. THE GROUND that they already fought many battles to keep.

To the person being persecuted:

As hard as it may be, even for myself, let God take all the vengeance. The more we step in, the farther God will walk away from handling it for you. Let Him defend you. Even if you do not see His defense, trust that He is doing something behind the scenes. God doesn’t have to explain His workings to you. You just need to be still and trust. You are allowed to stand your ground but in PRAYER! Let me tell you, it works. ❤️