See the Small Things

Is it hard to believe that someone would just GIVE you something of much value? A car? Home? I would have never believed if someone told me this happened to them.

During my pregnancy, I suffered terrible loss. My morning sickness debilitated me to the point where I lost my job. I wasn’t making my quota anymore. I couldn’t. I lost my dream apartment and had to give up one of our cars. I could still feel the pain from that time. I felt worthless, small and ashamed I had lost so much. My trial could fill a big book but today, I have to speak of 2 things. A car and a home.

My husbands job is now requiring him to travel. We needed another car. We didn’t stress it. We left it in God’s hands. Suddenly, God provided in a miraculous way. A car, for us, for free!

November 1st my husband and I begin a new adventure. We move into OUR home. A while ago, our friend from church said he was going to work on finding us a mobile home for us to own. We didn’t hold him to his word because we get it, sometimes life gets in the way. But our friend recently came through. For those who don’t live in the south, mobile homes are very popular and can be bigger than apartments up north. This one is 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms. Our friend completely renovated the home and offered us a deal so great we had to question if he was even making a profit. His motivation was obedience to what God told him to do for us. With that alone, he was content.

I still had to make sure this was all God’s doing because we’ve been burned so much by making moves without God’s hand in the midst. I walk around the unit and found a study Bible that belonged to the prior owner (the only owner) of the home. Unfortunately, the woman passed away and left the study Bible behind amongst all her other belongings. I asked our friend if I could have it. He said yes.

Only the Lord knew how badly I wanted a study Bible. And he once again provided that for me. He also thought about me so thoroughly that He gave me one that once belonged to a strong believer. The previous owner left notes everywhere and Highlighted everything. The study Bible is USED and shows so much character. God thought about me in this. The Bible has history. I inherited this treasure.

I want to name the previous owner Sarah. She lived simply and worshiped Jesus with everything she had until her transition to be with the Lord. Here is note number 1 found in the first few blank pages.

Milk- Gospel. Salvation and Cross.

Meat- is doing of the gospel.

1 Corinthians 3:1-3

I want to eat the solid food or the meat Paul speaks of in that verse. I want to walk the walk. I want people to know freedom in Christ as I do. The LOVE of God can warm even the coldest heart.

I’m being very honest. There’s no reason to lie here on my blog. The car and home is nice but the details God put into giving me that study Bible speaks to me louder than anything in this world. I’ve lost so many material things that I am numb to not having them. I content with having just the essentials. He ensured His sovereignty over this move on November 1st by listening deep into my heart for my deepest desire and providing it. He proved His love in the tiny details in this bible. He spoke volumes in the small things.

It’s a shut down

We ask God to mold us into His Image forgetting that His image is Jesus.

I asked, and prayed, and sang, and just constantly had in my mind that I wanted to be more like Him. I wanted to see with His eyes. I wanted to feel as He did. Little did I know that the process is THE most painful thing ever.

I stopped writing. I stopped trying to impress people with words. I stopped trying to impress people with ideas and pretty pictures. I stopped trying to impress people with MYSELF.

There is nothing about myself to take pride in except that God changed this sinner and saved her. It is then that my pride is focused on God.

I thank the Lord for making things so hard in my life. For allowing me to go through depression, pain, sickness, loss, desperation, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy and insecurity. Because without it, how in the world would I ever have compassion over a depressed friend? How could I ever understand truly what it is to want to die? There is no way to see this world in God’s perspective if my life has always been a success.

Authkg is my pen name. Yes, a name that I gave myself. I’ll keep it sure, I still need an easy username for the grams. But God has shown me way too much to keep trying to prove to the world that I exist.

The world doesn’t need to know me. The world needs to know Jesus. The one who saves me day after day from the darkness of this world.

When I have the time and energy, I will soon archive all my posts, give up my domain and walk the walk. It’s been nice having this blog. But now, it’s time to grow up.

The person who never gives up

The person who never gives up knows that the answer is most likely no. Keyword: likely!

Meaning that there is a 99.99 percent chance of the answer being yes. Keyword: CHANCE!

The person who never gives up hears opposition. Like Ms. Almánzar would say, “I do what they say I can’t”

Meaning that opposition is the fuel to push you to that goal.

The person who never gives up always asks questions.

“What can I do to get a discount on these melons?”

“Um…ma’am? There are no discounts on Melons today”

“May I speak to your manager please?”

The person who never gives up has a picture in mind and would jump through all the hoops and climb up any wall to see it come to fruition.

They don’t settle, they don’t listen to opinions. THEY MOVE.

So you gotta get out the way.

Hey Ppl

Good evening ladies and gentlemen,

It’s been months since my last post and I’m actually pleased about it. I’ve been too busy living to write. My notebook is empty, my google drive a lot cleaner and my mind… content. I have a new outlook in life and this view allows less desire for blogging.

It was a Sunday like today when I looked at my husband and said “Let’s move to Florida”. He always wanted to move but he patiently waited for me to give the okay. Well I gave the okay and man, I was scared.

4 months in and I don’t see myself ever looking back. Unless of course there is an emergency that I’d have to pack up and leave but other than that, Florida is home. Imagine if I let fear control me. I would have missed out on a lot.

I’m not pretending there wasn’t a struggle. There was struggle and we still see struggle today. It’s just that I’m so thankful for God guiding us and helping us through. For showing His sovereignty in the midst of turmoil.

I have great friends. Great co-workers. I’ve seen so much favor. I’ve witnessed miracles and wonders. More strength came upon me. More growth within me. More Joy in my heart. Sometimes you need to be further from comfort to see more clearly. To feel more often. To stop and absorb God’s goodness. To thrive.

There is purpose when I am and I’m just anxious to see what’s next.

When I look back to the days when I cried everyday. The days of hurt, abuse, betrayal, loneliness and desperation, I realize that there was purpose in it all. I needed the pain to grow. Without the pain, I couldn’t see the promising road ahead of me. I’ll never go back and redo those days. Those days to me are GOLD.

THANK YOU:

To my mistakes

To my accusers

To my enemies

To anyone who did me wrong.

Thanks to you, My feet are on solid ground.

This trophy is FOR YOU

Take it. 🏆

How many times

How many times have people tried to slow me down from progressing?

I have a passion but these voices want me to lose my blessing.

And how many times have I heard a verse against my passions?

It’s their attempt for me to move in their form or fashion.

I’m not them, you, her or him.

I’m me. So don’t try to change this woman within.

It’s MY thought process, MY Goals, MY interest His Soul.

So don’t come at me with words or heavy blows.

It’s MY character, MY confidence, MY artistic nature.

You want to change me well consult my Maker. 🙏🏽

Forgiveness only convenient to you

Forgiveness is a everyday, every person kinda thing. You don’t get to choose when to forgive, who and why. You just do it all the time and for everyone.

Don’t be the person to push the topic of forgiveness for someone in particular when you judge the majority of others.

Don’t be the person that is quick to forgive yourself and stops at the idea of forgiving someone else

And

Don’t be the person to be so quick to forgive someone else and slow to forgive yourself.

Easier said than done but failing to comply can result in a Sovereign God calling you out on it all.

Do you still visit his grave?

Me: How does your current husband feel when you bring up your deceased husband?

Yan: He gets bothered because that was my past life and we’re doing new things and making new memories. Thankfully he understands that I may miss him and I may think of him often. I guess he’s not entirely bothered.

Me: Yeah, it’s not like you guys divorced. You loved him fully and then he was gone. The love just doesn’t disappear right? Do you visit his grave?

Yan: No. When I used to visit the grave, I felt worse. I couldn’t find peace to move on. He was gone and I had to continue life all by myself. My kids still needed mommy, bills didn’t stop coming, I just had to somehow find peace and that meant I had to stop visiting his grave.

Me: How did your family feel when you started dating again?

Yan: They didn’t like him because he didn’t have money. He wasn’t taking us from a pit and placing me and my children in a palace. He asked me “Do you want to struggle together” and I said yes. In this life we’re always going to struggle so why not struggle in agreement together? My family didn’t like the fact that I was actually dating again after my first husband passed. Therefore, I moved to another state. Away from my family who kept judging me on top of the pain I was already going through and away from all the people who knew my deceased husband and would look at me with pity every time they saw me. I hated that.

Me: The passing of your husband must have changed your outlook in life. I mean, I could tell because you’re so level headed.

Yan: I don’t pay attention to the new trends, clothing, looks, money, and things. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I take pleasure in the small things.

Life is so much more than what people make it.

Re-evaluating my Dreams

You might assume that being a Christian gives you first dibs on God’s blessings. New house, new car, financial security etc. But the more I think about Christ and His life here on earth, the more I begin to realize that being a CHRIST-tian should be more than any material blessing. I often hear sermons about naming it and claiming it, sow this money seed and watch it grow into thousands, and tithing expecting some type of money return. I’m not denying God’s ability to provide even our deepest desires, I’m saying…it’s not something Jesus had or wanted while He was here on earth.

Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Matthew 8:20

Jesus’ heart did not desire anything for himself but for the world. He was so focused on the salvation of man that He never worried about the next meal or the next time He was going to rest His head on a comfortable bed. Thinking about it, Jesus found His disciples sleeping outside at some points

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. (Matthew 26:40)

Idk, sounded like they were used to snoozing outside lol.

It wasn’t Jesus’ desire to ask God for “things”. His prayers were filled with the concern for His people. For the world. I keep this in mind often. If i want to be Christlike, I have to re-evaluate my prayers. What are my hopes and dreams? How often to i concern myself with the salvation of my family, friends, ppl in the streets?

God’s will for Jesus was the death on The Cross. Jesus’ will for His disciples was to preach the gospel which resulted in persecution. What is God’s will for me? To be happy? To be Too blessed to be stressed? Rich and relaxed? Those things sound great but while I’m here on earth, should that be my ultimate desire?

This is episode idk of the Bus Chronicles because I’m too lazy to check which episode I’m in. I think number 3

Dear Livi

Dear Livi

If it seems as life isn’t on your side

And all you can do is sob

Put the enemy beneath your feet

Cuz you’re doing a great job

It seems like life isn’t in your favor

Your name may be subject to their chatter.

All great people are subject to critics

Cuz Livi, you matter!

Life SEEMS to be mean

Life SEEMS to be an enemy

But let’s look through another perspective

Because life was a friend to me

It gave me strength and purpose and will.

It was mean at times but it wasn’t until –

I surpassed all the trials that came to me.

Cuz Life opens your eyes to what you’re supposed to see.