Learning to Spot Manipulators

The more I try to learn on the topic of manipulation, the more sad I become. I’m almost done listening to a book called “Manipulation. Learning to Spot Manipulative People – Improve Emotional Intelligence Against Persuasion Tactics” by Jeff Tierney. The Author covers many topics including the tactics used by savvy manipulators. What makes me sad is that I’m realizing how many times per day someone attempts to manipulate me. Whats more sad is that these people don’t even know they are doing it.

Are we so prone to get our way that we don’t realize we are being shady to the people that we love? If I’m going to learn something reading this book, I’m choosing to learn on finding way NOT to manipulate people. I find it more stressing to spend my days trying to spot said persuasion tactics. Instead, I plan on working on not being that person. I want to catch myself before I try manipulating someone. I want to find ways to express my ideas/needs/wants without trying to convince someone using their weakness to get it.

I’m noticing that taking this route often leads the other direction. I don’t get what I want and find myself catering to someone else’s desires. In the moment it stinks because you kinda want to go back to your manipulating ways but later I notice that God comes through for me. I get what I initially wanted in one form or another.

I trying to keep myself from having ulterior motives. I’m not 100% good at it but my goal is to keep trying. To keep working on treating people how I want to be treated.

The next book on my queue is: Tactical Influence: A Practical Approach to Increase Your Influence and Leadership Skills.

Don’t Manipulate. Try to Negotiate.

I don’t care if you’re religious, spiritual, regular, basic, gender fluid, illegal alien, intragalactic/intergalactic alien or Alien Gonzalez. No one is ever pleased to find out they’ve been manipulated. It’s like trickery or betrayal. I once learned that manipulation is a form of witchcraft. Try not to image someone behind a cauldron chanting Latin phrases, dumping frog toes while stirring slowly in pursuit of controlling you. I’m talking regular people like you and I tricking someone to move in OUR direction. Doesn’t seem much like witchcraft but if you know your victims weak spot enough to use it against them…I’d compare that to stirring the pot, don’t you think?

All types of manipulation is evil. The act involves using tricks, lots of lying and careful deceiving. Wait! I just thought about how I manipulate my son to wash his hands after using the bathroom. “Nate, if you don’t want another eye infection, you have to wash your hands.” Manipulation? Manipulation would tell my son that if he doesn’t wash his hands, his eyeball would get sick and fall out. What I told my son was an order that contained actual facts. But I cant order my peers around the same way I do my son. Therefore, the most appropriate way to try and get my way with someone is to negotiate or compromise.

Negotiate: obtain or bring about by discussion.

If you choose to manipulate while the other party is trying to negotiating, what the heck man?! Aren’t we reading this to be better people? c’mon! The point of this blog post is to awaken the truth behind manipulation. A lot of us do it without trying to be naughty not realizing that manipulation is naughty in itself. What’s wrong with being honest and telling someone exactly what we want? Why must we try to wiggle our way around to get it. You know what else wiggles? Snakes! LOL.

If you want your husband to clean the flippin bathroom, say: “Husband! Can you clean the bathroom?” Why do we have to say things like “Hunnyyyyyy.. the bathroom has been awfully smelly and I just cant bathe the baby in that tub. Ugh, I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.”

That sounds too specific huh? That’s me. I said that! I don’t do bathrooms. I have bathroom phobias. I keep everything in the house tidy every single day. Nothing is ever out of place when I put my head on my pillow every night. Bathroom? Mess! Not me. I don’t touch it.

I guess I started this post cuz I noticed I was manipulating my husband to clean the bathroom. I simply changed my ways. Repentance, if I may. Now, I just ask him to do it. His response is usually, “I’ll do it another day.”. Then 3 months go by and bathroom isn’t cleaned and I have to do it gagging all the way through.

I didn’t say negotiation means you get what you want. But that’s the sacrifice of trying to be honest. I’ll get over it. You’ll get over it.